Capítulo 13. CONCLUSIÓN FINAL

CONCLUSION

 

Earth is an amazing place, and just as spectacular are the billions of souls brave enough to come here to experience it. In this book, we have explored many cases, learning how difficult and challenging, as well as powerful and uplifting, our lives can be.

 It is not all darkness and pain. Being human is exhilarating and noble, multifaceted and rich. Human life is a gift. Each life is valuable and necessary.

We can be too hard on ourselves, expecting so much, feeling worthless and self-critical. From the stories in this book, I hope each of you begins shifting any critical view you’ve held, congratulating yourself for undertaking your earthly journey. The guides have told us many times that just being on the planet in a human body is courageous and admirable—no matter how we play out our lives.

 We are all brave souls with inner strength and resources. Many of us need to focus on what we have achieved over our current life and many lifetimes. We have overcome many challenges and are still here, taking on more. Once we understand how challenging this journey really is, we become less judgmental of ourselves and others.

 We have seen that those who build walls are trembling like jelly on the inside. Feeling abandoned and terrified of love, the only path they perceive is putting up walls of protection. The more isolated they feel, the more they reinforce their walls, creating a vicious circle that is not easily broken. Of course, this is an important part of our earthly journey. Although not all souls choose to be perpetrators, we need to experience enough isolation to understand those who do.

 The naïve mind sees strength in those who are controlling, forceful, or violent. Many fear such people. But we have seen that those using force and intimidation are empty on the inside, playing out cruel games in an attempt to repress their deep feelings of shame.

From the journeys of the clients in this book, we have learned that our lives are planned to various degrees, and yet we have free will while executing our plan. We have learned that souls cannot easily choose to be abusive in one life and compassionate in the next. These cases demonstrate the long, debilitating struggle many souls endure before emerging into light after their dark night of the soul. Souls evolve slowly over many incarnations, just as humans gradually evolve during the many experiences of one lifetime.

 Being victimized for our naivety is another part of the journey. How do we really understand others without matching their experience? This is an experiential planet. We learn through experience.

We saw that true strength comes from the inside. To deepen our connection to others, we must allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The walls need to come down. To be vulnerable, we need a strong core, a deep knowledge of our inner strength, our integrity, and our immortality. To open up emotionally, we need to focus on the challenges we have overcome. As children, we had one primary job: to get to adulthood. All of us experienced challenges. Some of us had to deal with bullies, broken families, mean people, neglect, or abuse. Whatever we experienced, becoming an adult is a great achievement. How many of us acknowledge our child self for this accomplishment? We easily recall our shortcomings, but how often do we focus on our insights, our sincere efforts, our good deeds, and our humble successes?

  Consciously making the choice to soften and open our heart, even when we don’t know how to do it, is a step that begins the process. Practicing meditation, surfacing and accepting our fears, while asking for help to release them, will eventually calm our mind. When we truly desire to connect and are willing to be vulnerable, our spiritual guides will help. We will meet situations designed to open our hearts. Our courage will grow as we face our challenges rather than finding distractions.

  Yearning to know how to grow spiritually means we are on the path of developing our intuition, knowledge, and wisdom. No matter how tough life may feel at times, we are progressing and will emerge into love and light.

 Our intuition is guidance from Source, manifesting through our mind and body. Intuition is the most valuable faculty we have because wise intuition is built on integrated experience, giving us wisdom and spiritual truth. Once we are truly connected to our higher guidance, there is nothing to fear. We are on the road to completing our life’s purpose.

  

We have seen how the present is a culmination of the past. Past life trauma can still be active and affect our current lives. Some undertake a regression to surface any leftover issues interfering with their spiritual progress, but there are many ways to address current concerns.

 One way to proceed is asking for guidance while trusting that help will come. Listening, being open to signals, hunches, and nudges is important. Expecting to be guided to the next step and being brave enough to take it places us squarely on our path. Clearing up trauma from our past lives or current life is tremendously liberating.

 Being at a stage where any leftover fears can be released means we can practice surrender and live a peaceful, loving, and joyful life. Joy is important. Joy spreads. Pure joy has a sense of calmness in it, a sweet, gentle joy. It is like a simple smile radiating a special beauty, a wise stillness and deep acceptance.

  When you are rich with a wealth of experience, you own a treasure chest filled with jewels of many colors and facets. Some are perfect, while others may be flawed or cloudy. When you meet another, you reach into your treasure chest and intuitively pick up the exact jewel reflecting the same facets of experience and understanding, allowing you to touch the other. This is trusting you have all that you need. “Being” rather than striving. The transfer is energetic, happening on a completely different dimensional level, imparting the knowledge that is desired and needed by the other.

 The cloudiness in the jewels is unresolved emotions. Each of us has the responsibility to release these. Although they played a useful role in our development, they are no longer needed. Eventually, we don’t see the clouds anymore, just clarity. Now we are able to hold positive and nurturing energy for the other. In the beginning there is the raw stone, the diamond in the rough, and then comes the honing and the clearing up. The emotional cloudiness is released. The cutting and honing come from our experience, and then we reflect and make connections, putting it all together. That is our path: becoming clear, light, and wise, reflecting love, joy, and peace.

 For nearly thirty years, I have been helping clients with their emotional issues. I noticed when I cleared an issue in my own life, I would immediately attract clients who were grappling with similar problems. Even to this day, I notice the same pattern. Clients follow close in the wake of my own healing.

 Resolving our issues allows us to resonate with those who are wrestling with the same challenges. This resonance doesn’t just apply to adversities in our current life; it applies to our past lives too. This is why so many healer souls choose to have lives as perpetrators and lives as victims. The deeper their experience, once resolved and integrated, the greater their ability to assist others.

 As the shame researcher Brené Brown has said: “Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

 Our calling is to trust, knowing the greater plan playing out is as brilliant and beautiful as the planet on which we live.

 The dark night of souls is part of this plan. We cannot see in the dark unless we shine a light on the darkness. Truth can free us. Knowledge expands us, and wisdom brings peace and fulfillment. We cannot appreciate the warmth of the sun unless we have felt the cold of the night.

My hope is that each of us can shine a light on our darkest experiences and bring more joy, love, and gratitude into our lives and into our world.

 

Capítulo 11. FUERZA

 

Capítulo 10. PROFUNDIDADES

 

Capítulo 9. AMAR

 

Capítulo 8. EMERGER

 

Capítulo 7. SUAVIZACIÓN

Capítulo 6. TRANSICIÓN

 

Capítulo 5. VAMPIROS

CHAPTER 5

THE DARK PATH OF VAMPIRISM AND DOMINATION

In our scientific, modern world, vampires are fantasy creatures. They are portrayed as humanlike beings who feed off the blood of their victims. In other cultures, especially in the past, people believed vampires to be real—creatures or entities who steal energy from others.

The main quality of vampires, evident in all cultures, is their parasitic nature. They prey on the good nature of others to fill their emptiness, weakening their victims’ life force, which gradually ebbs away.

Vampires don’t just exist on earth. Cosmic black holes are also like vampires. A black hole is a tight, dense mass that sucks in light and energy from anything that comes too close. Its gravitational pull is so intense that anything captured cannot escape, including light.

Energy Vampires

These days, we use the term “energy vampires” when referring to those people who consistently drain us. Such people take up a lot of the interactive space. Typically, they talk incessantly (usually about themselves), often overreact, and are not always truthful. While having little capacity to emotionally support others, they are attention-seeking and emotionally needy.

Some years ago, I read an article online about micro black holes.7 The article put forward the possibility of small black holes existing all over our solar system. I immediately thought, “I know some of those.”

Most probably, you do too. Dealing with these energy-hungry souls is not easy, but it explains why we have the concept of vampires in so many cultures. By maintaining healthy boundaries, we can prevent these empty people from leeching our energy.

Energy vampires can kill suddenly or slowly. Some years ago, I remember a woman coming to see me about problems with her son. He lived in her house with her two grandchildren and a couple of other people. The son was verbally abusive and sometimes violent. My client feared for the welfare of her grandchildren. As well as this concern, she was already ill, and her health was deteriorating.

This man was easily capable of physically hurting the children during his rages. He was already doing much psychological damage. By not acting, his mother was carrying his karmic burden.

I explained that the solution involved setting boundaries and making him face the consequences of his actions. She could ask him to leave, and if he didn’t, the next time he became abusive, she should call the police. She objected, saying she couldn’t do that to a family member.

I have met many individuals who stay in these types of relationships. The energy vampire usually complains, criticizes, dominates, or demeans. Victims think they are being caring by putting up with this behavior when in fact they are being weakened, sometimes to a point where they no longer have the energy to leave.

In the regressions, I’ve seen many clients whose vital force has been stolen in their current and past lives. After the “vampire” has worn them out, these people are usually discarded and left wondering why these perpetrators have behaved in such selfish and callous ways.

Some souls choose the extreme path of separation. These souls are not only disconnected from Source and others, they have disconnected from themselves. They are extreme representations of vampirish behavior because they are empty; their survival depends on their ability to live off the energy they absorb from dominating others. But how does that work?

In this chapter, we explore two cases where the vampiric behavior is extreme. The first demonstrates vampiric transfer of energy and the way it becomes an addictive cycle, while the second explores the path out of domination.

Vampiric Behavior and Its Consequences

In the first case, Raquel regressed into a past life as a young man. This man had been conscripted to fight in a war, which deeply damaged him emotionally. This life proved to be the grimmest of all the past lives we accessed during Raquel’s regressions, as her soul became deeply lost and cut off from Source. She described it as “trudging into muddy, swampy places where you develop strong legs.” The young man needed strong legs as he struggled through life alone without any help from a higher power.

We access the past life just after a brutal battle has taken place. The soldier is feeling strong emotions.

I feel a ball of rage inside and a lot of shame about what we did in the battle. I see a very big wall and camps outside. We were ordered to kill everyone indiscriminately: men, women, and children. I am young. I hadn’t killed anyone before and, while I did what I was told, I cannot see a good reason for doing it. I see that they are people, just like we are. I look at their faces full of fear and confusion, so helpless, and yet we kill them.

I am getting glimpses of fighting soldiers, and that’s what I expected, not killing helpless women and children. Afterward, our leaders explain that these people are not like us and they have to die for the greater good. We are told to channel our doubts into rage while fighting the soldiers, as they are the ones who left their own people unprotected.

I turn my initial shame and confusion into fighting, and I can’t turn it off. I don’t know how to stop. The wall inside of me is so big and so strong.

To cope, the soldier buries his shame, cutting off any emotional vulnerability and feelings of empathy. Raquel describes him as feeling numb. He has no compassion for those he slaughters. When the war is over, he becomes a mercenary and leader of a loyal band of former soldiers.

I see a battlefield. I get flashes of cutting people with a sword, especially across the neck and stomach, seeing blood, mud and dirt, hearing muffled sounds getting louder, now metal on metal, chinks and scrapes, men—all of this noise zooming in and out because I am concentrating on what I am doing. I am killing people.

We outmatch the people we are fighting, so it’s a slaughter. I think we are English, wearing chainmail, former faithful soldiers and now battle-hardened mercenaries. The opposition is not like us. They are locals wearing blue tunics and some odd bits of chainmail.

We are taking over this village. I can hear a bell ringing. It feels like we are doing it for a noble, but it is my thing. I am the leader of this group. We are killing and sexually assaulting and generally creating chaos. We kill all able-bodied men and many others, including women and children. We are brutal, putting no value on these people’s lives whatsoever.

In the back of my mind there is something about it not being right, but I ignore it. I am cold, hardened by battle, and not wanting to feel anything.

There is something satisfying about pushing my sword into warm, soft flesh and ending a life. I find a certain peace that comes with the sword going in and the blood coming out. I cannot trust the world around me, but the kill is real. My body is hard with lots of scars. I have survived because I turn the hits I should’ve taken onto someone else. There is a righteousness in killing, which is proof of my power every time I kill. I am stronger and, if I wasn’t, I would be killed.

In killing women, I kill my own vulnerability and sensitivity. I am railing against any frailty or feeling, purposely shutting myself down. When I kill, I cut off all the softness and keep getting harder, stronger, and leaner. I am used to wearing armor, and I am trying to create an internal armor.

Killing, when one is this emotionally empty and isolated, creates a blood lust in the murderer. The mercenary comes out of time and space, experiencing a cathartic discharge when he sees the bloodletting. At the same time, he receives an energy charge from defeating his opponent. Now he becomes a vampire. The victim’s life force is released, and the murderer absorbs this energy like a hit of adrenaline. He needs this energy because he has cut himself off from Source. Like any artificial high, it doesn’t last. He is caught in a cycle of seeking more energy hits.

Raquel is disturbed by the intensity of her feelings as the mercenary. This reminds her that when she was young, she was mean and a bit of a bully. She pauses to reflect on her feelings.

I have always been violent in my mind. I hate the idea that I would hurt someone badly because I am still carrying that angry energy from the mercenary. I don’t like being a “hot” person; I want to be cool, calm, and peaceful, like a placid lake rather than a volcano.

After acknowledging Raquel’s discomfort with what she is receiving, I suggest we find out what happens to the mercenary. She reconnects with him in the past life.

We take the village. Having fealty to the noble, I am rewarded with the keep, but I can feel a resentment growing toward him.

He didn’t come and fight these battles. He didn’t even go to war. He expects loyalty but he hasn’t earned it, not in the way I have with my men. I have no fear of my men turning on me. They respect me as their leader. I am plotting to kill him in order to be the overlord. I am stronger than him so, in my view, overtaking him is fair.

After fighting my way into his castle, I slit his throat. I see the confusion on his face. He didn’t realize what he unleashed in me. I am not going to sit quietly because there is never enough power for someone like me. Now I have to kill anyone of significance, including his family and hangers-on.

I can see a woman being kept alive, his sister or his wife, and I am going to make her mine. I am not going to love her. She is nothing more than my property. But I feel this thing inside, a vulnerability that is trying to push through. I have to drown it out, and I do that with violence. I sexually assault her to keep my vulnerability away. I hit her, throwing her around and attempting to suffocate her.

When there is no war, I have to do worse things. In peacetime, there is a silence, and the inner voices and vulnerability surface. I have to act to keep them away.

Reliving this brutal violence distresses Raquel. I encourage her to breathe deeply. As soon as she calms down, she receives more information.

I also have this pattern in my current life. When the vulnerabilities and softness come in, I put on my headphones to drown out the voices. I drink to numb my feelings. I even have vertigo to distract me. Being ill can be an escape too. I had one friend who would get sick; she was deaf to everything.

To face who you are, you have to hear these voices. “Are you doing the right thing? Are you being honest with yourself and others? Are your actions in alignment with your true self?” These are the voices that call your attention to your behavior, voices calling you to face a world that is not easy to see and hear. You run from what you see as difficult or negative.

You need to know that your lessons don’t go away. They just get more insistent. People have mental breakdowns, illnesses, accidents, marriage break ups, job losses, and so forth, all to wake them up.

After Raquel has shared this wisdom, I suggest we go back to the story.

The woman I treat so cruelly slits her wrists, killing herself. I go into a rage, smashing things. I am furious that she has taken away my control. The voices are louder now, and I have lost the thing that drowned them out.

I am locking people out of the room, and I think of killing myself. Instead, I go back to war and fight, dying on the battlefield. I am glad to go, but I am not content with the way I lived my life. It was a hollow life, the worst kind of life, a life full of disregard for everyone with no connection to anyone.

I am looking around at the destruction, feeling confused. My spirit has been ignored all my life, and now suddenly it is let out. I am not physical anymore, and my physical self was everything. It is like meeting yourself for the first time, like a newborn lamb stumbling around.

In fact, this mercenary’s spirit has been stuck in a confused state for hundreds of years. Raquel now has the opportunity to release this stuck energy.

I am like a child spirit. I want someone to come for me. They both come now, my guide and my eternal mother. They left me there for a time to take in what has happened. They are very understanding. We float away into the white light. Still confused, I ask them what happened.

It seems I couldn’t get through to my real self. It was a challenging body and mind to be in. I was so strong-willed. Killing the pagans and being manipulated by the leaders to create rage shut me down and put me on that path of being hard and murderous. If I hadn’t hardened, I wouldn’t have survived.

That hardness, to some degree, was there in my subsequent lives, but those bodies didn’t promote it like [the body of] the vicious fighter.

The shutting-down is most prominent in my current life. Sometimes I feel violent, and I want to smash things. When I tap into that rage, there is nothing else. Meditation and silence can be hard for me because the rage surfaces. The rage is a feeling but without a target. I am very connected to my inner warrior self. I experienced shame in my childhood being in a family that is against emotions and vulnerability. All that has encouraged me to shut down again.

Raquel realizes her current life was planned to deliberately surface memories of this past life. Her body was carefully chosen, as were the challenges she has faced.

What is important right now is my awareness of this shutting down, what caused it, and how it is being resolved. Only recently we’ve had the tools to access our past lives easily and receive help. One wouldn’t want to re-live that past life alone.

The guides are telling me there was a lot of useful experience in that past life. I was learning to understand what healthy male energy is by experiencing its opposite. The mercenary’s actions did not reflect authentic masculinity.

The mercenary was stuck in violence because he’d cut himself off from Source. He was empty, unable to receive any loving attention. He perversely lived on the energy he reaped by killing others. But he died disillusioned. What he did to the nobleman’s wife had an impact on him. In the beginning, he was disconnected from the pain he was causing her. But when she killed herself, he was affected. He was angry because he felt out of control. She took his power away, and he started realizing what he had done. Raquel reflects on the importance of listening to guidance.

We don’t listen because we are scared. We get a message to do something that seems outrageous, like go to Alaska and be an artist. It is our fear and our focus on survival that object. We are afraid to trust our guidance. But not doing it means we have a life half-lived.

Being shut down in that life of brutality was useful because I didn’t hear my inner voice. The main learning for my current life is to listen to my inner guidance.

Lifetimes where we are cut off from our guidance and refuse to listen are still useful. We are stubborn, stumbling along alone, making a mess of our lives. Eventually, after sufficient isolation and suffering, we learn to value wise guidance and listen to it. Then we have the choice to act on it or not, which is an exercise of our free choice.

I ask Raquel to check with her guides about the rage she has harbored. Will it keep coming up?

The body can surface feelings just from habit. Knowing what is happening will help. I need to be accepting when any angry feelings surface, remembering the pattern, breathing through the emotion, and allowing it to pass. As I retrain myself, my anger will dissipate.

As well as carrying anger in her current life, Raquel regrets causing pain to others. She is aware of the lessons now, and it is up to her to integrate this new understanding by consciously choosing her reactions.

During a regression six months later, Raquel receives more information about the value of the mercenary’s life.

That life was part of me, and no life is wasted. I need to accept everything that got me to where I am right now and then look back with gratitude. The energies are all balanced by the time we ascend. There is no need for shame. It was one of the possible choices. We all learnt from that life.

Since regressing to the mercenary’s life, Raquel has also noticed significant changes in herself.

I am more compassionate since I have remembered the mercenary’s life. A lot of my anger is gone—it was like it was locked in a box with a dark heat and a slow, deep burn.

My guides are sending love and light to me now, reminding me that they love me and are always with me and that I am on the right path. When I die this current life, I will be going home, back to them. As you get closer to the end of the soul journey, it naturally gets easier.

Mythological vampires came out at night to suck the life force of others. The mercenary’s life shows how this myth might have been formed. Cut off from Source and inner guidance, very little, if any, light or wisdom penetrated his psychological armor, creating an inner vacuum that propelled his vampiric actions, ushering in his dark night of the soul.

The addictive behavior of these souls—ranging from the emotional manipulation of others all the way through to murder—briefly satisfies their emptiness, but no matter how much attention they receive, it is never enough. They are stuck in a cycle of self-loathing because of their awful behavior and their fear of vulnerable feelings.

People who behave so atrociously are numb inside and numb to the feelings of others. Perhaps you have noticed how painful it is to thaw exposed fingers that feel frozen on a really cold day. It hurts! When Raquel reflected on how lost and cruel she had been in a past life, she discovered that thawing a frozen heart or soul is many times more painful. Although this case gives us the opportunity to understand gruesome behavior, it does not excuse it. Perpetrators appropriately suffer the consequences of their actions.

The Value of Devastating Lives

The experience of abusing our power can be useful, whether that is emotional abuse or physical. On this planet, we learn through experience. What we perpetrate on others we will later experience ourselves so we can understand both sides of violence. This gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. As we grow in awareness, we learn to value life as precious and develop compassion for all beings. We learn discernment, knowing what particular actions will lead us down the wrong path. Eventually, we are able to consciously choose what we want to experience and what we do not.

In our next case, we see how a soul is developing this discernment.

Xana is a naturopath who comes to see me wanting to develop her spiritual path. She is curious about finding the balance between accepting and loving others while still protecting herself.

In the regression, she learns she has endured a series of lives in which she was submissive and victimized. It began with a life as a deformed girl who, abandoned by her family, starved to death, imprinting her soul with deep feelings of worthlessness. Xana’s soul goes on to experience many more sad lives.

To break this cycle, Xana’s soul incarnates as a man who acts out his feelings of insignificance by secretly and sadistically dominating others. He feels contempt for his victims who he sees as weak, but deep down he feels contempt for himself. By dominating others, he externalizes what he wants to kill off in himself: his own weakness and insignificance. In this past life, the man is found guilty of murder and spends many years in prison.

When Xana wonders why her soul went down this path of worthlessness, culminating in a life of dominating and murdering helpless people, she suddenly finds herself in an expansive room that is completely white. She holds a scepter with a crystal ball in her right hand and a fan of dark purple flowers in her left.

I am in a calm place. It doesn’t seem like earth. The scepter represents the male energies of strength and power while the fan creates a flow of a gentle breeze, representing the female energy of softness. Both are needed. Now I feel a presence in the room.

That merciless life was about learning to appreciate what I had. I needed to feel in control, but there is no need to try and control. You can just be.

I am struggling to accept my actions in that life. I need to forgive myself. In order to love myself, I need to love that man. We all have a bit of everyone in all of us, good and bad, dark and light.

I am being told [the life of domination] was a useful life. I was learning about compassion and how precious life is. I had a lot of remorse in jail and a lot of realizations. There are two sides to the coin, and we need to see both. It is like a measuring stick or set of scales so you can decide what you want.

When I wonder why she had the life as the deformed girl who was abandoned and felt worthless, Xana is taken to the body selection area in her life between lives. Here, she chose a body for that life. From several potential bodies, she selected a frail little female body.

I could have had a slightly easier life, but I wanted to challenge myself. I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I am a stubborn soul. I wanted to do it this way. The life was important, planned to show me how to love unconditionally. In that life, I experienced the opposite. I experienced a lack of love. That is useful.

While Xana is in the body selection area, I wonder what happened after her lives of victimization and domination and ask about the plan for the subsequent life.

I am still stuck with worthlessness. It took a long time to process those lives. In the afterlife, I list all the things I did, using categories of positive and negative. I am now with a young male, a friendly guide, planning my next life. Together, we are mapping out some ideas. I am really afraid of making the same mistakes, so I am hesitant about coming back. He says I need to jump in and move on.

Planning Nurturing Lives

The fact that Xana’s soul is involved in planning the subsequent life means the soul returned to the higher frequencies of the afterlife. The many remorseful years in prison increased the vibrational frequency of Xana’s soul.

The life we decide on is significantly different to the other lives. With help, we carefully choose a caring environment and a loving family in Japan.

I am to be a little boy, an only child to older parents. I’ll marry and have one or maybe two children. I will be in a position of power, a lawyer in the government where I’ll be secure. I will die of a heart attack at age fifty in 1952.

We review that life to see if Xana’s fears were realized.

It went pretty well. I lived a simple life with a loving wife and good, respectful children. I felt love for them all. It was a loving environment. Work was hard but good. I felt valued there and worthwhile. I see the guide is holding two thumbs up.

I ask if we can look at the plan for Xana’s current life.

It is a continuation of developing a sense of worthiness. It’s important to develop feminine energy in my current life. I was loving in that previous life, but I didn’t always show emotion. I still don’t outwardly show affection.

We are choosing a female body, Eurasian. I’ll be well-off financially, but I could get caught up in social issues, mainly the expectations of others. That is a challenge.

The plan is having a more balanced life, not focusing on one thing like success, work, or obsessing about a partner. I choose a family that has those balanced values, and I will find it easy to express love and not get caught in proving myself. This life is more about just “being.”

The family’s values are most important. The type of body is irrelevant. So, the choice is made on the family that fits that criterion of appropriate values.

The family Xana chooses turns out to be perfect for the continuation of her soul development. Xana’s mother in her current life is Margarita, a sweet, soft-spoken woman, who comes for a regression. It is soon apparent why she was chosen to be Xana’s mother. During the regression, Margarita receives information about her soul journey, explaining that she is a loving, open soul, emanating peace and love. She is a perfect mother for Xana in her current life.

Xana is still recovering from her sense of worthlessness and needs love and positive attention. In her regression, she is given more information about her current life plan.

To fulfill the plan, I need to be more open. I wonder how I can be accepting and loving and still protect myself. I still have a fear of being unprotected.

When I ask about this fear, Xana immediately gets an image of the deformed girl.

One side of my face is deformed slightly in the beginning, but it gets worse over time.

Now I am looking at her and seeing the real beauty in her soul, the courage of taking this on to teach me so much, especially compassion.

There is a golden light coming down now, which is nurturing, loving, and protecting. I lock eyes with her, and then I hug her. [Long pause.] This dear girl is okay.

This healing action of feeling love and compassion for the brave young girl released Xana from her fear of being unprotected.

The dominating life was a significant turning point for Xana’s soul, showing how exercising her free will enhanced her soul’s recovery. When this man was in prison, he didn’t waste much time brooding and feeling sorry for himself. He spent the time reflecting, trying to understand why he took such a devastating path. Xana’s soul then had an opportunity to continue learning in the afterlife—and took it. This is why her soul progressed so quickly over a few lifetimes—from brutal carnage to fostering love.

Xana came from another planet a long time ago and has had nearly two thousand earth lives. As a soul, she is a healer. The journey through her many incarnations has been about developing the skills and understanding needed to heal others.

Xana is still in the process of emerging from her challenging past lives. She has learned much and has more to learn, especially about being open and affectionate. As she develops, others will reap the benefits of her journey into the nether regions of the human experience.

Conclusion

During the regressions I conduct, the guides consistently tell us that nothing is lost and much is gained by choosing the path of separation and isolation. They emphasize that each soul learns much by this choice. Nothing, according to the guides, is a mistake.

Of course, this view is challenging to us. We feel the anguish of loss and separation in both our bodies and our hearts. When our fellow humans treat us with indifference or cruelty, our disappointment runs deep. We are horrified at those who find satisfaction in hurting others, who revel in their misfortune, or who feed off their energy.

It is important to remember that all our actions have consequences. Raquel’s soul took centuries to find its way back after taking a dark path. The same holds true for Casilda and Jacobo. While all three had lives as perpetrators, they also suffered many lives as victims.

The law of karma means our motivations matter just as much as our actions. Although facing the truth of our actions is sometimes deeply painful, it is essential if we wish to heal. We need to acknowledge the hurt we have caused others and feel compassion for those we have wronged—intentionally or not—and for ourselves, for we knew no better at the time.

Many of us carry deep feelings of worthlessness. Some of us blame our childhoods, our parents, or our partners for our struggles in life. For souls like Raquel, Xana, Casilda, and Jacobo, facing what they have done in their past lives and then forgiving themselves takes a lot of courage. Having lost ourselves in darkness, having inflicted our pain, hate, and anger on others, self-awareness is the key to restoring our connection.

In the next chapter, we further explore the transition of lost souls: how they begin to emerge into awareness after lives of transgression and violence.

Capítulo 4. MALDAD

CHAPTER 4

DESCENT INTO ASSAULT AND TORTURE

People who assault and torture others have souls that have strayed into the wilderness. They have suffered in the past and decided to trust no one. This means they are on their own, making their way in a world they see as dark and dangerous. Cut off from their inner wisdom and cut off from other people, they are ignorant of the feelings of others. In fact, they are so detached, their ability to understand or predict the actions of others is greatly compromised. A path not lit by the wisdom of higher guidance will always prove dark. In lifetime after lifetime, they stumble around in the shadows, creating turmoil and destruction for themselves and others until they learn that this path is a dead end.

In this chapter we explore the limitations of souls in this state, their fear and vigilance, shame, eventual awakening, and the climb back to connection and understanding.

Blind to the Motivations of Others

Souls that are not aware of their own motivations are lost, not knowing what they are doing or the consequences of their behavior. They are blind to the relationship between their actions and their experiences. As well, their failure to understand themselves means they cannot understand or predict the behavior of others.

Jaime was a lost soul in several of his past lives. In one past life, he was a giant of a man who was troubled from the beginning. He enjoyed torturing animals during his childhood. But then something happened that made him even worse: his mother died while he was still a boy. His father, full of grief, took him into the forest and left him standing alone on a road. Although he said he’d be back, he never returned. The boy perceived his father as weak because he never got over the loss of his wife. He despised his father’s vulnerability. He coped with this abandonment by deciding he needed no one. Now we move to a later time in this life as Jaime continues the story.

Now the child is a man. People are looking for him. He believes he can outrun them, thinking he is smarter than them. He has been killing people randomly. He despises vulnerability. He hurts them until they don’t hurt anymore, until they are dead. He enjoys watching the fear on people’s faces. He thought he could make them fear him, but they hunt him like an animal. He could never understand why they were so determined. He didn’t expect that. He thought they would leave him alone. He still doesn’t understand. He is confused.

The man is subjected to a tortuous death in front of the men from the village where he took his victims. He hated these people, thinking they were weak and foolish. He wanted to be alone, and he thought they would be too afraid to come after him. He never realized that his vicious behavior would cultivate enormous anger and hate, which he would eventually reap. By his actions, he had created in the villagers an angry, vengeful version of himself.

Souls like this man’s are not self-aware or self-reflective. They cannot be. They are too wrapped up in satisfying their own need to stay safe in the menacing world they have mentally created. They are on constant alert, afraid of others who they perceive as dangerous. In this case, the man was so apprehensive, he attacked without provocation.

To reflect, make connections, and understand ourselves, the world, and others, we need to feel safe. We need to calm our mind. None of this is possible for perpetrators or perpetual victims. The world is too dangerous for them to let their guard down—even for a minute—to undertake insightful contemplation.

Climbing out of this deep darkness is not easy. First, we have to waken to what we have done, then understand completely the terrible actions we have taken by suffering torture and abuse ourselves. Lastly, we have to find a way to universal forgiveness and redemption.

Facing Shame

An example of this long, challenging journey comes from a client who came for six regressions over a period of three years.

Jacobo, a builder, is one of the most courageous people I know. He is on the hero’s journey of facing his demons. Most people think their demons are outside of themselves, like the horrific monsters we see in comics and movies. Jacobo knows the real demons are inside us.

Jacobo had resolved many of his issues before he came for his most recent regression. Most importantly, the anger he described as “bubbling lava” had been put to rest. Now, he decided to face his deepest shame. He acknowledged this was difficult, but he had gained sufficient success and confidence from our previous sessions to trust that I would not judge him in any way.

In the session, once he had settled comfortably in the chair, he proceeded to tell me about the burden he had been carrying all his life.

I feel like I am a sexual predator. I have always wanted to see up girls’ skirts and into their pants. As a small boy, the babysitter would put me and her daughter in the bath together, and I remember being curious and fascinated by her little body. From my earliest memories, the compulsion has been there, and that’s why I think it has carried over from a past life.

It is a daily battle to keep my eyes up. I haven’t acted on these urges. There has been something driving me down that path all my life, and I have continually fought it. I am so tired of every day facing the urge and the shame of it. It has been a lonely battle. I never shared it with anyone, including my wonderful wife who I love dearly.

Hate and Sexual Assault

Jacobo’s story starts many thousands of years ago when he first incarnated on the planet.

His first human life occurred 27,000 years ago when he died, aged two, of the cold. After that life, he had many simple lives that were mainly peaceful. He only behaved aggressively when he needed to protect his family or community.

These ordinary lives changed significantly around 10 BCE, during a life set in a rural area of the Iberian Peninsula. Before this incarnation, Jacobo experienced a life where he was betrayed. We don’t learn any details of this betrayal, but his guide tells us it was relatively inconsequential. Perhaps Jacobo still carried some bitterness into the Iberian life, because there he makes a devastating decision.

It is dusk. I am looking out onto open plains with a village behind me. I am dressed in soft leather shoes, leather or suede long pants and a long-sleeve shirt with no buttons. All are an olive color. I am a man aged twenty-four.

The village is made of huts set out in a horseshoe shape. Each hut is made of leather with a conical roof held up by a high pole in the middle. You can see through the walls in certain parts. It is a simple life with cattle as the main industry.

I am carrying a sense of melancholy and disappointment after just being rejected by my father-in-law. He is one of the elders of the village and has significant influence. I see him sitting beside the chief of our people. For years, I have been trying to get the respect of these men, wanting to make my contribution to the village. I came to him with a plan to move our cattle to other places for feeding. In front of everyone, he told me I was a fool, that I didn’t know what I was doing. Now I feel shut out.

He has always been contemptuous of me. He never accepted me. He only let me marry his daughter because it was what she wanted. She is his favorite.

I am very angry, and I am going to hurt him by hurting my wife. I push her, verbally abuse her, and treat her as if she is nothing. There is a hardness in me now. I take her sexually whenever I want, ignoring her feelings.

Contributing to the village is important, especially for a man. Not being able to do this emasculates me. I need to feel powerful in some way. My wife has borne me no children and that is another reason why I feel diminished and annoyed with her.

We go to another scene in this life.

My father-in-law has just humiliated me once again in front of the other men. He rejected my ideas and dismissed me, saying, “You are a vicious fool!”

Now I am inside our hut standing over my wife’s body. I just sexually assaulted her before beating her to death.

I run. The village is on a rise, and I am running down the hill toward a forest. I can hear the people in the village stirring as they realize what has happened.

The others are coming after me, and I feel panicked. I trip and fall. Because of my terror, I’m not thinking clearly. I stumble and fall again, near a stream. The ground is slippery, and before I get up, they are upon me. I am beaten and dragged back to the village. They spread my arms and tie them to a horizontal log. Then they throw me into a fire. I feel relief that it is all over.

I am floating above the village where I see my father-in-law weeping. I am pleased that I have finally hurt him so deeply that he is in tears. Now I am in darkness, floating in space with my shoulders slowly rotating around in circles, moving into a tunnel. I am feeling quite sick. Suddenly I am back in the village, looking down on my father-in-law who is saying something to my cooking body. I am trying to hear.

He is screaming at me, “I curse you to an eternity of life as a worm. You are scum. You will never be a man. I will follow you through eternity.” He is repeating this over and over while kicking at the bones and flesh remaining on the fire.

I am floating up again. There seems to be a presence on my righthand side taking me by the arm and guiding me off to the right.

We are sitting in the same field where I have been before, an undulating slope like rounded-off terraces. It is Gabriela, my guide. We sit on the grass, and she is saying, “These are the consequences of your actions.”

I ask Jacobo what she means by “consequences.”

She is telling me that this life was a turning point, the beginning of being caught in a loop, a loop that feeds itself. The way my father-in-law treated me, the burning and the curse, is what I created. My attitudes and actions feed this loop.

My head is in my hands, and I am sobbing. I haven’t been told this before, and I am in shock. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.

The decision to seek retribution from my father-in-law by assaulting and killing his daughter leads to a cascade of negativity, building the loop. When I was first created as a soul, this path as a perpetrator was an option. The decision to take that path is a choice, an exercise of free will as a human. Gabriela, the guide, says it isn’t a wrong decision. There are no wrong decisions. Experiencing pain is important because it sinks you deeply into the human experience.

I feel shame at the way I was treated, and then I feel shame at the way I treated my wife. The father-in-law’s curse vibrates through my soul and intensifies the shame. As my lives progress, I build the loop with my anger and bitterness. I act out my anger, and I reap the awful consequences. The loop grows strong and robust.

From the beginning of his incarnations, Jacobo’s soul had agreed to be tested. In this pivotal life, his father-in-law baited him. He had several choices—to remain a victim, to respond by standing up to his father-in-law, or to seek revenge. Killing his wife was a vengeful act that took him down a treacherous path. Instead of protecting his wife, like he did in previous lives, his hate and anger took over. This was an act of free will, and free will is sacrosanct in this system. Because we reap the consequences of our decisions, it is how we grow.

Carrying the Curse

Jacobo says that after his father-in-law curses him, he feels his only power is to destroy others. I ask if he knows how curses are carried into subsequent lives.

Words are vibrations. Vibrations are codes that can travel with you through your lives. The codes enter the DNA and the DNA travels with you as code through your lives. Because I was in a vulnerable state, just after dying in the fire, the vibration of those words penetrated my soul.

Following that curse, Jacobo was caught in the loop. The “loop” is really the hundreds of years he spent in his dark night of the soul. He lives many violent lives before a turning-point life in the thirteenth century. He has built such a robust wall around him with so little empathy that he fights brutally in many wars and other violent situations. He sexually assaults and tortures people. And he is sexually assaulted and tortured himself. He is so shut down he feels very little—emotionally or physically.

I’m immune to the inhumanity of torturing people. I have their lives in my hands, and I whimsically choose whether they die slowly or quickly. This gives me a sense of power, but this is the only power I have. In other areas, I don’t feel powerful at all.

After twelve hundred earth years of experiencing this devastating path, Jacobo’s soul is ready to start a turnaround. The elders carefully plan a life that is designed to begin his reformation. A closely connected soulmate agrees to play a crucial role.

Beginning the Turnaround

In this life, Jacobo is a Christian soldier named Peter. Peter takes part in the notorious Fourth Crusade that sacked Constantinople in 1204. Our guides give us only what we can cope with, so, in an earlier regression when we visited this past life, Jacobo did not see the full desecration that the crusaders inflicted on the women and children of that city. Now, Jacobo is stronger and ready to see the truth. Jacobo describes his actions as Peter.

The streets are quite steep and cobbled. Evening is coming, and people have pots over fires. I smell smoke. We charge in on our horses, screaming and waving our swords around, chopping at the women. They run, and we chase them. I see dead women lying in the streets with their bellies cut open.

I am separated from the others now. I dismount from my horse and walk casually from door to door, still killing. I stride right up and face people before I cut them up. I am kicking open timber doors, going into courtyards, killing women and children, anyone who is there. I feel nothing. I just chop them up, look at their mutilated bodies on the ground, and walk away.

I am going next door. A group of people are cowering, backing away and screaming. I slice them up before walking out and going to the next house. The whole army is doing the same thing, all throughout the city.

I am sexually assaulting someone now. I cut her throat. Something about what I have just done has shaken me. Suddenly I walk out, feeling different. I have shocked myself out of the madness. My sword is in my hand, hanging by my side. Now I am looking at a number of terrified people waiting to be slaughtered, but I walk straight past them and out the door, shutting it as I leave.

Back on my horse, I am trotting up a hill in the opposite direction from whence I came. I am curious about what just happened, wondering how I managed to abuse and kill so many people. I feel like I have been in a trance and I just woke up. I am thinking how we were supposed to bring God to the unsaved, to the infidels, but instead we were encouraged to kill. Killing became normal until I woke up.

After the crusade, Peter goes back to England to confront the monk who sent him to this holy war. He is bitter, full of anger, blaming the monk for sending him to slaughter innocent civilians. The frightened monk kills him in the church by stabbing him with a knife.

Jacobo is given an important insight. The woman he sexually assaulted and murdered in Constantinople is his soulmate, his beloved current wife. He realizes she sacrificed herself to break the loop. This moves him deeply. We sit silently for several minutes.

After this turning-point life, Jacobo’s soul continues his journey back to connection. He has much to learn.

The Struggle Back

After the turnaround, Jacobo still struggles with his violent impulses. In one life, he sees himself on the deck of a square rigger with others laughingly shooting the innocent inhabitants of an island.

In another life, he is an ordinary member of a community in love with the chief’s daughter. He is a young, simple man but good at fishing. He is afraid but encouraged by others to ask the chief for her hand. Unfortunately, her father has other plans for her. The young man is killed for his audacity and clumsiness.

Now I am floating away above the treetops. On either side of me, two beings guide me away from the earth. I am sitting in the park with them. They are talking to me. They say, “You need more practice at speaking your mind.” I understand they mean expressing my point of view, the art of negotiation. That life was about the start of learning how to do that.

Jacobo’s soul has many lives where he is loved, where he suffers loss, and where physical sensations and emotions gradually return.

All the dark stuff sticks to you like tar as you go through your lives. When it dries, it cracks off. Some of it falls off of its own accord and some you have to pick off. When you become aware, light comes through the cracks and it becomes easier to let it go, like picking cracked toffee off a toffee apple. When you heal, it leaves a residue on you. You are guided to do what is needed. There is no point worrying about what you are carrying until you are aware that it is there. Your attention will be drawn to it when the timing is right.

In his immediate past life, Jacobo fought in the First World War.

I see trenches, smell gun smoke, and hear gunshots. My ears are buzzing. I am a young bloke, and there are dead people all around me in a trench. I don’t want to be here.

He survives the war and vows to never kill again. Residing in a little stone cottage overlooking a village in Scotland, he never marries and lives a solitary life. He is afraid. He knows he can kill without feeling, but he doesn’t want to. He spends much of his time sitting up high above the village, looking down at green hills, watching the colors of the dawn and sunset while living a life of quiet and calm. But in that life, he avoids connecting to anyone. He doesn’t know how to interact with people. He is so used to war.

Until he did the regressions, Jacobo was still carrying some of the remnants left over from all these challenging past lives.

I am getting an image of sweeping the crumbs off a table after the feast is eaten. The crumbs are the journey I have taken through the regressions, and the feast is the many lives I lived. The feast is satisfying. I have learned much and now I better understand human nature.

As part of “brushing the crumbs off the table,” I ask Jacobo to renounce the original curse of his father-in-law that propelled him deeper into his perpetrator lives. I ask him to speak with conviction the following words:

I reject that I am not a man and cannot be a man. I am a man in every positive sense of that word. I am a man with an open heart.

Reconnecting

Before he completed the regressions, Jacobo was afraid of being close to his wife and others, and deeply bothered by his thoughts of sexual predation.

Because of my fear of acting violently, I locked myself away. My wife was rattling my doorknob to get in, and that felt threatening to me. I wanted to open that door, but I was afraid. I never wanted to hurt anyone again, and I didn’t trust myself.

I have had lifetimes of using sex as power. I am completely releasing that now. There is nothing without the beauty of connection. I am seeing a lotus flower, sacred and beautiful, representing authentic sexual connection.

He also had many headaches, finally discovering their source.

The many headaches I get, especially on the left side of my forehead above the eye and at the base of my skull, come from my resistance. Being locked down takes constant energy. Keeping the door shut on my feelings is exhausting.

Jacobo spent his life working hard to meet his obligations to his family, but he felt the heaviness of this load. He is given insight into this burden.

The guilt I feel in taking time for myself comes from my feelings of obligation, my sense of needing to make amends. Now I know I have no reason to feel guilty. I do have obligations but, in the past, I fulfilled them from a sense of guilt, which always felt heavy. Now I will fulfill them lightly, “wanting to” rather than “having to,” joyfully doing what needs to be done.

We ask Jacobo’s guide, Gabriela, about the heavy path Jacobo’s soul has taken during his earth journey. She gives us important information.

The majority of souls do take a dark path. It is about gaining balance. One of the purposes of coming to earth is to experience the dark. Earth was built for it. Other places are lighter, softer, and gentler than earth, and not as good for learning.

We discover that the father-in-law who cursed him in that past life, two thousand years ago, shares the same soul as Jacobo’s current father. This explains an unusual incident that happened after Jacobo’s first regression.

Two days after that first session, Jacobo had a serious accident at work that severed a part of a finger. The physical nature of his occupation meant Jacobo could not work for several months, so he was given time off with full pay. During this period, his father was dying. Jacobo’s father had been a difficult man, so their relationship was not easy. His father expressed much torment as his life drew to a close. Nevertheless, Jacobo loved his father and spent two months taking him to his medical appointments, sitting with him, talking to him, and being at his side when he died. Jacobo’s “accident” was no accident at all.

Jacobo wrote me an email after his father passed.

Without the guidance you and two others gave me to open my heart and drop old baggage no longer of any use to me, I wouldn’t have been available to my dad.

I would not have been calm enough, still enough, or patient enough to stand quietly beside my father as he embraced his mortality. I would not have been able to sit beside him on his last day and just hold his hand. I would not have been able to cradle his head in my hands, gently stroking his face and reassuring him that everything was okay when he woke two hours before he died, with horror and fear contorting his features. Thank you for the part you played that allowed me the honor to attend to my father.

In his final regression, Jacobo successfully faced his last demons: his sexual thoughts and compulsions. Gabriela told Jacobo that he has completed over ninety percent of his earthly lives. He is on the downward run of his soul journey, and his future lives will be a consolidation of all that he has learned. He will be given the opportunity to love and guide others who will benefit from the experience, compassion, and wisdom he has developed.

A few weeks after his last draining regression, which included the complete story of the crusader, Jacobo sent me an email.

It has taken me a while to bounce back from our last session. The next day, Saturday, I was crying on and off all day and felt flat and tired for the next two weeks. This last week I have felt free. That is the word that I keep using when I check in on myself. Free. My mood has lifted, and I am no longer feeling driven as I was prior to our session. Thank you once again for providing all I needed to face this part of myself.

At last contact, Jacobo had just finished his first year studying kinesiology, planning to complete the diploma in the following year. He reported continuing his personal growth, founded in the work he and I did together.

I know it took a lot of courage for Jacobo to face the inner demons of his past, to bring them into the light where they were dissolved with unconditional love and understanding. He completed many lifetimes of confronting experiences before undertaking some lives that included opportunities for quiet contemplation.

Conclusion

We have lifetimes to experience and then lifetimes to reflect and grow our understanding of ourselves and our journey. Because we tend to live longer lives in our current era, we have the opportunity to experience challenges in our life and, as well, reflect and integrate what we have learned. The current lives of many people in this book were designed to create opportunities for contemplation. That is why they undertook their regressions: to figure out the nature of the challenges they have faced and why. Many reading this book will be on the same journey, curious about their lives and keen to clear any blocks to fulfilling their life purpose.

One of the first steps is vicariously exploring the journey of others. To that end, we now look at those acting out their deep inadequacies by dominating others. They appear arrogant and entitled, with no care for their victims and no inkling of how destructive they are. Why do they oppress and misuse others? Are they trying to prove how powerful they are?

In the following chapters, we explore the need for domination more deeply.