Capítulo 5. VAMPIROS

CHAPTER 5

THE DARK PATH OF VAMPIRISM AND DOMINATION

In our scientific, modern world, vampires are fantasy creatures. They are portrayed as humanlike beings who feed off the blood of their victims. In other cultures, especially in the past, people believed vampires to be real—creatures or entities who steal energy from others.

The main quality of vampires, evident in all cultures, is their parasitic nature. They prey on the good nature of others to fill their emptiness, weakening their victims’ life force, which gradually ebbs away.

Vampires don’t just exist on earth. Cosmic black holes are also like vampires. A black hole is a tight, dense mass that sucks in light and energy from anything that comes too close. Its gravitational pull is so intense that anything captured cannot escape, including light.

Energy Vampires

These days, we use the term “energy vampires” when referring to those people who consistently drain us. Such people take up a lot of the interactive space. Typically, they talk incessantly (usually about themselves), often overreact, and are not always truthful. While having little capacity to emotionally support others, they are attention-seeking and emotionally needy.

Some years ago, I read an article online about micro black holes.7 The article put forward the possibility of small black holes existing all over our solar system. I immediately thought, “I know some of those.”

Most probably, you do too. Dealing with these energy-hungry souls is not easy, but it explains why we have the concept of vampires in so many cultures. By maintaining healthy boundaries, we can prevent these empty people from leeching our energy.

Energy vampires can kill suddenly or slowly. Some years ago, I remember a woman coming to see me about problems with her son. He lived in her house with her two grandchildren and a couple of other people. The son was verbally abusive and sometimes violent. My client feared for the welfare of her grandchildren. As well as this concern, she was already ill, and her health was deteriorating.

This man was easily capable of physically hurting the children during his rages. He was already doing much psychological damage. By not acting, his mother was carrying his karmic burden.

I explained that the solution involved setting boundaries and making him face the consequences of his actions. She could ask him to leave, and if he didn’t, the next time he became abusive, she should call the police. She objected, saying she couldn’t do that to a family member.

I have met many individuals who stay in these types of relationships. The energy vampire usually complains, criticizes, dominates, or demeans. Victims think they are being caring by putting up with this behavior when in fact they are being weakened, sometimes to a point where they no longer have the energy to leave.

In the regressions, I’ve seen many clients whose vital force has been stolen in their current and past lives. After the “vampire” has worn them out, these people are usually discarded and left wondering why these perpetrators have behaved in such selfish and callous ways.

Some souls choose the extreme path of separation. These souls are not only disconnected from Source and others, they have disconnected from themselves. They are extreme representations of vampirish behavior because they are empty; their survival depends on their ability to live off the energy they absorb from dominating others. But how does that work?

In this chapter, we explore two cases where the vampiric behavior is extreme. The first demonstrates vampiric transfer of energy and the way it becomes an addictive cycle, while the second explores the path out of domination.

Vampiric Behavior and Its Consequences

In the first case, Raquel regressed into a past life as a young man. This man had been conscripted to fight in a war, which deeply damaged him emotionally. This life proved to be the grimmest of all the past lives we accessed during Raquel’s regressions, as her soul became deeply lost and cut off from Source. She described it as “trudging into muddy, swampy places where you develop strong legs.” The young man needed strong legs as he struggled through life alone without any help from a higher power.

We access the past life just after a brutal battle has taken place. The soldier is feeling strong emotions.

I feel a ball of rage inside and a lot of shame about what we did in the battle. I see a very big wall and camps outside. We were ordered to kill everyone indiscriminately: men, women, and children. I am young. I hadn’t killed anyone before and, while I did what I was told, I cannot see a good reason for doing it. I see that they are people, just like we are. I look at their faces full of fear and confusion, so helpless, and yet we kill them.

I am getting glimpses of fighting soldiers, and that’s what I expected, not killing helpless women and children. Afterward, our leaders explain that these people are not like us and they have to die for the greater good. We are told to channel our doubts into rage while fighting the soldiers, as they are the ones who left their own people unprotected.

I turn my initial shame and confusion into fighting, and I can’t turn it off. I don’t know how to stop. The wall inside of me is so big and so strong.

To cope, the soldier buries his shame, cutting off any emotional vulnerability and feelings of empathy. Raquel describes him as feeling numb. He has no compassion for those he slaughters. When the war is over, he becomes a mercenary and leader of a loyal band of former soldiers.

I see a battlefield. I get flashes of cutting people with a sword, especially across the neck and stomach, seeing blood, mud and dirt, hearing muffled sounds getting louder, now metal on metal, chinks and scrapes, men—all of this noise zooming in and out because I am concentrating on what I am doing. I am killing people.

We outmatch the people we are fighting, so it’s a slaughter. I think we are English, wearing chainmail, former faithful soldiers and now battle-hardened mercenaries. The opposition is not like us. They are locals wearing blue tunics and some odd bits of chainmail.

We are taking over this village. I can hear a bell ringing. It feels like we are doing it for a noble, but it is my thing. I am the leader of this group. We are killing and sexually assaulting and generally creating chaos. We kill all able-bodied men and many others, including women and children. We are brutal, putting no value on these people’s lives whatsoever.

In the back of my mind there is something about it not being right, but I ignore it. I am cold, hardened by battle, and not wanting to feel anything.

There is something satisfying about pushing my sword into warm, soft flesh and ending a life. I find a certain peace that comes with the sword going in and the blood coming out. I cannot trust the world around me, but the kill is real. My body is hard with lots of scars. I have survived because I turn the hits I should’ve taken onto someone else. There is a righteousness in killing, which is proof of my power every time I kill. I am stronger and, if I wasn’t, I would be killed.

In killing women, I kill my own vulnerability and sensitivity. I am railing against any frailty or feeling, purposely shutting myself down. When I kill, I cut off all the softness and keep getting harder, stronger, and leaner. I am used to wearing armor, and I am trying to create an internal armor.

Killing, when one is this emotionally empty and isolated, creates a blood lust in the murderer. The mercenary comes out of time and space, experiencing a cathartic discharge when he sees the bloodletting. At the same time, he receives an energy charge from defeating his opponent. Now he becomes a vampire. The victim’s life force is released, and the murderer absorbs this energy like a hit of adrenaline. He needs this energy because he has cut himself off from Source. Like any artificial high, it doesn’t last. He is caught in a cycle of seeking more energy hits.

Raquel is disturbed by the intensity of her feelings as the mercenary. This reminds her that when she was young, she was mean and a bit of a bully. She pauses to reflect on her feelings.

I have always been violent in my mind. I hate the idea that I would hurt someone badly because I am still carrying that angry energy from the mercenary. I don’t like being a “hot” person; I want to be cool, calm, and peaceful, like a placid lake rather than a volcano.

After acknowledging Raquel’s discomfort with what she is receiving, I suggest we find out what happens to the mercenary. She reconnects with him in the past life.

We take the village. Having fealty to the noble, I am rewarded with the keep, but I can feel a resentment growing toward him.

He didn’t come and fight these battles. He didn’t even go to war. He expects loyalty but he hasn’t earned it, not in the way I have with my men. I have no fear of my men turning on me. They respect me as their leader. I am plotting to kill him in order to be the overlord. I am stronger than him so, in my view, overtaking him is fair.

After fighting my way into his castle, I slit his throat. I see the confusion on his face. He didn’t realize what he unleashed in me. I am not going to sit quietly because there is never enough power for someone like me. Now I have to kill anyone of significance, including his family and hangers-on.

I can see a woman being kept alive, his sister or his wife, and I am going to make her mine. I am not going to love her. She is nothing more than my property. But I feel this thing inside, a vulnerability that is trying to push through. I have to drown it out, and I do that with violence. I sexually assault her to keep my vulnerability away. I hit her, throwing her around and attempting to suffocate her.

When there is no war, I have to do worse things. In peacetime, there is a silence, and the inner voices and vulnerability surface. I have to act to keep them away.

Reliving this brutal violence distresses Raquel. I encourage her to breathe deeply. As soon as she calms down, she receives more information.

I also have this pattern in my current life. When the vulnerabilities and softness come in, I put on my headphones to drown out the voices. I drink to numb my feelings. I even have vertigo to distract me. Being ill can be an escape too. I had one friend who would get sick; she was deaf to everything.

To face who you are, you have to hear these voices. “Are you doing the right thing? Are you being honest with yourself and others? Are your actions in alignment with your true self?” These are the voices that call your attention to your behavior, voices calling you to face a world that is not easy to see and hear. You run from what you see as difficult or negative.

You need to know that your lessons don’t go away. They just get more insistent. People have mental breakdowns, illnesses, accidents, marriage break ups, job losses, and so forth, all to wake them up.

After Raquel has shared this wisdom, I suggest we go back to the story.

The woman I treat so cruelly slits her wrists, killing herself. I go into a rage, smashing things. I am furious that she has taken away my control. The voices are louder now, and I have lost the thing that drowned them out.

I am locking people out of the room, and I think of killing myself. Instead, I go back to war and fight, dying on the battlefield. I am glad to go, but I am not content with the way I lived my life. It was a hollow life, the worst kind of life, a life full of disregard for everyone with no connection to anyone.

I am looking around at the destruction, feeling confused. My spirit has been ignored all my life, and now suddenly it is let out. I am not physical anymore, and my physical self was everything. It is like meeting yourself for the first time, like a newborn lamb stumbling around.

In fact, this mercenary’s spirit has been stuck in a confused state for hundreds of years. Raquel now has the opportunity to release this stuck energy.

I am like a child spirit. I want someone to come for me. They both come now, my guide and my eternal mother. They left me there for a time to take in what has happened. They are very understanding. We float away into the white light. Still confused, I ask them what happened.

It seems I couldn’t get through to my real self. It was a challenging body and mind to be in. I was so strong-willed. Killing the pagans and being manipulated by the leaders to create rage shut me down and put me on that path of being hard and murderous. If I hadn’t hardened, I wouldn’t have survived.

That hardness, to some degree, was there in my subsequent lives, but those bodies didn’t promote it like [the body of] the vicious fighter.

The shutting-down is most prominent in my current life. Sometimes I feel violent, and I want to smash things. When I tap into that rage, there is nothing else. Meditation and silence can be hard for me because the rage surfaces. The rage is a feeling but without a target. I am very connected to my inner warrior self. I experienced shame in my childhood being in a family that is against emotions and vulnerability. All that has encouraged me to shut down again.

Raquel realizes her current life was planned to deliberately surface memories of this past life. Her body was carefully chosen, as were the challenges she has faced.

What is important right now is my awareness of this shutting down, what caused it, and how it is being resolved. Only recently we’ve had the tools to access our past lives easily and receive help. One wouldn’t want to re-live that past life alone.

The guides are telling me there was a lot of useful experience in that past life. I was learning to understand what healthy male energy is by experiencing its opposite. The mercenary’s actions did not reflect authentic masculinity.

The mercenary was stuck in violence because he’d cut himself off from Source. He was empty, unable to receive any loving attention. He perversely lived on the energy he reaped by killing others. But he died disillusioned. What he did to the nobleman’s wife had an impact on him. In the beginning, he was disconnected from the pain he was causing her. But when she killed herself, he was affected. He was angry because he felt out of control. She took his power away, and he started realizing what he had done. Raquel reflects on the importance of listening to guidance.

We don’t listen because we are scared. We get a message to do something that seems outrageous, like go to Alaska and be an artist. It is our fear and our focus on survival that object. We are afraid to trust our guidance. But not doing it means we have a life half-lived.

Being shut down in that life of brutality was useful because I didn’t hear my inner voice. The main learning for my current life is to listen to my inner guidance.

Lifetimes where we are cut off from our guidance and refuse to listen are still useful. We are stubborn, stumbling along alone, making a mess of our lives. Eventually, after sufficient isolation and suffering, we learn to value wise guidance and listen to it. Then we have the choice to act on it or not, which is an exercise of our free choice.

I ask Raquel to check with her guides about the rage she has harbored. Will it keep coming up?

The body can surface feelings just from habit. Knowing what is happening will help. I need to be accepting when any angry feelings surface, remembering the pattern, breathing through the emotion, and allowing it to pass. As I retrain myself, my anger will dissipate.

As well as carrying anger in her current life, Raquel regrets causing pain to others. She is aware of the lessons now, and it is up to her to integrate this new understanding by consciously choosing her reactions.

During a regression six months later, Raquel receives more information about the value of the mercenary’s life.

That life was part of me, and no life is wasted. I need to accept everything that got me to where I am right now and then look back with gratitude. The energies are all balanced by the time we ascend. There is no need for shame. It was one of the possible choices. We all learnt from that life.

Since regressing to the mercenary’s life, Raquel has also noticed significant changes in herself.

I am more compassionate since I have remembered the mercenary’s life. A lot of my anger is gone—it was like it was locked in a box with a dark heat and a slow, deep burn.

My guides are sending love and light to me now, reminding me that they love me and are always with me and that I am on the right path. When I die this current life, I will be going home, back to them. As you get closer to the end of the soul journey, it naturally gets easier.

Mythological vampires came out at night to suck the life force of others. The mercenary’s life shows how this myth might have been formed. Cut off from Source and inner guidance, very little, if any, light or wisdom penetrated his psychological armor, creating an inner vacuum that propelled his vampiric actions, ushering in his dark night of the soul.

The addictive behavior of these souls—ranging from the emotional manipulation of others all the way through to murder—briefly satisfies their emptiness, but no matter how much attention they receive, it is never enough. They are stuck in a cycle of self-loathing because of their awful behavior and their fear of vulnerable feelings.

People who behave so atrociously are numb inside and numb to the feelings of others. Perhaps you have noticed how painful it is to thaw exposed fingers that feel frozen on a really cold day. It hurts! When Raquel reflected on how lost and cruel she had been in a past life, she discovered that thawing a frozen heart or soul is many times more painful. Although this case gives us the opportunity to understand gruesome behavior, it does not excuse it. Perpetrators appropriately suffer the consequences of their actions.

The Value of Devastating Lives

The experience of abusing our power can be useful, whether that is emotional abuse or physical. On this planet, we learn through experience. What we perpetrate on others we will later experience ourselves so we can understand both sides of violence. This gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves and others. As we grow in awareness, we learn to value life as precious and develop compassion for all beings. We learn discernment, knowing what particular actions will lead us down the wrong path. Eventually, we are able to consciously choose what we want to experience and what we do not.

In our next case, we see how a soul is developing this discernment.

Xana is a naturopath who comes to see me wanting to develop her spiritual path. She is curious about finding the balance between accepting and loving others while still protecting herself.

In the regression, she learns she has endured a series of lives in which she was submissive and victimized. It began with a life as a deformed girl who, abandoned by her family, starved to death, imprinting her soul with deep feelings of worthlessness. Xana’s soul goes on to experience many more sad lives.

To break this cycle, Xana’s soul incarnates as a man who acts out his feelings of insignificance by secretly and sadistically dominating others. He feels contempt for his victims who he sees as weak, but deep down he feels contempt for himself. By dominating others, he externalizes what he wants to kill off in himself: his own weakness and insignificance. In this past life, the man is found guilty of murder and spends many years in prison.

When Xana wonders why her soul went down this path of worthlessness, culminating in a life of dominating and murdering helpless people, she suddenly finds herself in an expansive room that is completely white. She holds a scepter with a crystal ball in her right hand and a fan of dark purple flowers in her left.

I am in a calm place. It doesn’t seem like earth. The scepter represents the male energies of strength and power while the fan creates a flow of a gentle breeze, representing the female energy of softness. Both are needed. Now I feel a presence in the room.

That merciless life was about learning to appreciate what I had. I needed to feel in control, but there is no need to try and control. You can just be.

I am struggling to accept my actions in that life. I need to forgive myself. In order to love myself, I need to love that man. We all have a bit of everyone in all of us, good and bad, dark and light.

I am being told [the life of domination] was a useful life. I was learning about compassion and how precious life is. I had a lot of remorse in jail and a lot of realizations. There are two sides to the coin, and we need to see both. It is like a measuring stick or set of scales so you can decide what you want.

When I wonder why she had the life as the deformed girl who was abandoned and felt worthless, Xana is taken to the body selection area in her life between lives. Here, she chose a body for that life. From several potential bodies, she selected a frail little female body.

I could have had a slightly easier life, but I wanted to challenge myself. I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I am a stubborn soul. I wanted to do it this way. The life was important, planned to show me how to love unconditionally. In that life, I experienced the opposite. I experienced a lack of love. That is useful.

While Xana is in the body selection area, I wonder what happened after her lives of victimization and domination and ask about the plan for the subsequent life.

I am still stuck with worthlessness. It took a long time to process those lives. In the afterlife, I list all the things I did, using categories of positive and negative. I am now with a young male, a friendly guide, planning my next life. Together, we are mapping out some ideas. I am really afraid of making the same mistakes, so I am hesitant about coming back. He says I need to jump in and move on.

Planning Nurturing Lives

The fact that Xana’s soul is involved in planning the subsequent life means the soul returned to the higher frequencies of the afterlife. The many remorseful years in prison increased the vibrational frequency of Xana’s soul.

The life we decide on is significantly different to the other lives. With help, we carefully choose a caring environment and a loving family in Japan.

I am to be a little boy, an only child to older parents. I’ll marry and have one or maybe two children. I will be in a position of power, a lawyer in the government where I’ll be secure. I will die of a heart attack at age fifty in 1952.

We review that life to see if Xana’s fears were realized.

It went pretty well. I lived a simple life with a loving wife and good, respectful children. I felt love for them all. It was a loving environment. Work was hard but good. I felt valued there and worthwhile. I see the guide is holding two thumbs up.

I ask if we can look at the plan for Xana’s current life.

It is a continuation of developing a sense of worthiness. It’s important to develop feminine energy in my current life. I was loving in that previous life, but I didn’t always show emotion. I still don’t outwardly show affection.

We are choosing a female body, Eurasian. I’ll be well-off financially, but I could get caught up in social issues, mainly the expectations of others. That is a challenge.

The plan is having a more balanced life, not focusing on one thing like success, work, or obsessing about a partner. I choose a family that has those balanced values, and I will find it easy to express love and not get caught in proving myself. This life is more about just “being.”

The family’s values are most important. The type of body is irrelevant. So, the choice is made on the family that fits that criterion of appropriate values.

The family Xana chooses turns out to be perfect for the continuation of her soul development. Xana’s mother in her current life is Margarita, a sweet, soft-spoken woman, who comes for a regression. It is soon apparent why she was chosen to be Xana’s mother. During the regression, Margarita receives information about her soul journey, explaining that she is a loving, open soul, emanating peace and love. She is a perfect mother for Xana in her current life.

Xana is still recovering from her sense of worthlessness and needs love and positive attention. In her regression, she is given more information about her current life plan.

To fulfill the plan, I need to be more open. I wonder how I can be accepting and loving and still protect myself. I still have a fear of being unprotected.

When I ask about this fear, Xana immediately gets an image of the deformed girl.

One side of my face is deformed slightly in the beginning, but it gets worse over time.

Now I am looking at her and seeing the real beauty in her soul, the courage of taking this on to teach me so much, especially compassion.

There is a golden light coming down now, which is nurturing, loving, and protecting. I lock eyes with her, and then I hug her. [Long pause.] This dear girl is okay.

This healing action of feeling love and compassion for the brave young girl released Xana from her fear of being unprotected.

The dominating life was a significant turning point for Xana’s soul, showing how exercising her free will enhanced her soul’s recovery. When this man was in prison, he didn’t waste much time brooding and feeling sorry for himself. He spent the time reflecting, trying to understand why he took such a devastating path. Xana’s soul then had an opportunity to continue learning in the afterlife—and took it. This is why her soul progressed so quickly over a few lifetimes—from brutal carnage to fostering love.

Xana came from another planet a long time ago and has had nearly two thousand earth lives. As a soul, she is a healer. The journey through her many incarnations has been about developing the skills and understanding needed to heal others.

Xana is still in the process of emerging from her challenging past lives. She has learned much and has more to learn, especially about being open and affectionate. As she develops, others will reap the benefits of her journey into the nether regions of the human experience.

Conclusion

During the regressions I conduct, the guides consistently tell us that nothing is lost and much is gained by choosing the path of separation and isolation. They emphasize that each soul learns much by this choice. Nothing, according to the guides, is a mistake.

Of course, this view is challenging to us. We feel the anguish of loss and separation in both our bodies and our hearts. When our fellow humans treat us with indifference or cruelty, our disappointment runs deep. We are horrified at those who find satisfaction in hurting others, who revel in their misfortune, or who feed off their energy.

It is important to remember that all our actions have consequences. Raquel’s soul took centuries to find its way back after taking a dark path. The same holds true for Casilda and Jacobo. While all three had lives as perpetrators, they also suffered many lives as victims.

The law of karma means our motivations matter just as much as our actions. Although facing the truth of our actions is sometimes deeply painful, it is essential if we wish to heal. We need to acknowledge the hurt we have caused others and feel compassion for those we have wronged—intentionally or not—and for ourselves, for we knew no better at the time.

Many of us carry deep feelings of worthlessness. Some of us blame our childhoods, our parents, or our partners for our struggles in life. For souls like Raquel, Xana, Casilda, and Jacobo, facing what they have done in their past lives and then forgiving themselves takes a lot of courage. Having lost ourselves in darkness, having inflicted our pain, hate, and anger on others, self-awareness is the key to restoring our connection.

In the next chapter, we further explore the transition of lost souls: how they begin to emerge into awareness after lives of transgression and violence.

Capítulo 4. MALDAD

CHAPTER 4

DESCENT INTO ASSAULT AND TORTURE

People who assault and torture others have souls that have strayed into the wilderness. They have suffered in the past and decided to trust no one. This means they are on their own, making their way in a world they see as dark and dangerous. Cut off from their inner wisdom and cut off from other people, they are ignorant of the feelings of others. In fact, they are so detached, their ability to understand or predict the actions of others is greatly compromised. A path not lit by the wisdom of higher guidance will always prove dark. In lifetime after lifetime, they stumble around in the shadows, creating turmoil and destruction for themselves and others until they learn that this path is a dead end.

In this chapter we explore the limitations of souls in this state, their fear and vigilance, shame, eventual awakening, and the climb back to connection and understanding.

Blind to the Motivations of Others

Souls that are not aware of their own motivations are lost, not knowing what they are doing or the consequences of their behavior. They are blind to the relationship between their actions and their experiences. As well, their failure to understand themselves means they cannot understand or predict the behavior of others.

Jaime was a lost soul in several of his past lives. In one past life, he was a giant of a man who was troubled from the beginning. He enjoyed torturing animals during his childhood. But then something happened that made him even worse: his mother died while he was still a boy. His father, full of grief, took him into the forest and left him standing alone on a road. Although he said he’d be back, he never returned. The boy perceived his father as weak because he never got over the loss of his wife. He despised his father’s vulnerability. He coped with this abandonment by deciding he needed no one. Now we move to a later time in this life as Jaime continues the story.

Now the child is a man. People are looking for him. He believes he can outrun them, thinking he is smarter than them. He has been killing people randomly. He despises vulnerability. He hurts them until they don’t hurt anymore, until they are dead. He enjoys watching the fear on people’s faces. He thought he could make them fear him, but they hunt him like an animal. He could never understand why they were so determined. He didn’t expect that. He thought they would leave him alone. He still doesn’t understand. He is confused.

The man is subjected to a tortuous death in front of the men from the village where he took his victims. He hated these people, thinking they were weak and foolish. He wanted to be alone, and he thought they would be too afraid to come after him. He never realized that his vicious behavior would cultivate enormous anger and hate, which he would eventually reap. By his actions, he had created in the villagers an angry, vengeful version of himself.

Souls like this man’s are not self-aware or self-reflective. They cannot be. They are too wrapped up in satisfying their own need to stay safe in the menacing world they have mentally created. They are on constant alert, afraid of others who they perceive as dangerous. In this case, the man was so apprehensive, he attacked without provocation.

To reflect, make connections, and understand ourselves, the world, and others, we need to feel safe. We need to calm our mind. None of this is possible for perpetrators or perpetual victims. The world is too dangerous for them to let their guard down—even for a minute—to undertake insightful contemplation.

Climbing out of this deep darkness is not easy. First, we have to waken to what we have done, then understand completely the terrible actions we have taken by suffering torture and abuse ourselves. Lastly, we have to find a way to universal forgiveness and redemption.

Facing Shame

An example of this long, challenging journey comes from a client who came for six regressions over a period of three years.

Jacobo, a builder, is one of the most courageous people I know. He is on the hero’s journey of facing his demons. Most people think their demons are outside of themselves, like the horrific monsters we see in comics and movies. Jacobo knows the real demons are inside us.

Jacobo had resolved many of his issues before he came for his most recent regression. Most importantly, the anger he described as “bubbling lava” had been put to rest. Now, he decided to face his deepest shame. He acknowledged this was difficult, but he had gained sufficient success and confidence from our previous sessions to trust that I would not judge him in any way.

In the session, once he had settled comfortably in the chair, he proceeded to tell me about the burden he had been carrying all his life.

I feel like I am a sexual predator. I have always wanted to see up girls’ skirts and into their pants. As a small boy, the babysitter would put me and her daughter in the bath together, and I remember being curious and fascinated by her little body. From my earliest memories, the compulsion has been there, and that’s why I think it has carried over from a past life.

It is a daily battle to keep my eyes up. I haven’t acted on these urges. There has been something driving me down that path all my life, and I have continually fought it. I am so tired of every day facing the urge and the shame of it. It has been a lonely battle. I never shared it with anyone, including my wonderful wife who I love dearly.

Hate and Sexual Assault

Jacobo’s story starts many thousands of years ago when he first incarnated on the planet.

His first human life occurred 27,000 years ago when he died, aged two, of the cold. After that life, he had many simple lives that were mainly peaceful. He only behaved aggressively when he needed to protect his family or community.

These ordinary lives changed significantly around 10 BCE, during a life set in a rural area of the Iberian Peninsula. Before this incarnation, Jacobo experienced a life where he was betrayed. We don’t learn any details of this betrayal, but his guide tells us it was relatively inconsequential. Perhaps Jacobo still carried some bitterness into the Iberian life, because there he makes a devastating decision.

It is dusk. I am looking out onto open plains with a village behind me. I am dressed in soft leather shoes, leather or suede long pants and a long-sleeve shirt with no buttons. All are an olive color. I am a man aged twenty-four.

The village is made of huts set out in a horseshoe shape. Each hut is made of leather with a conical roof held up by a high pole in the middle. You can see through the walls in certain parts. It is a simple life with cattle as the main industry.

I am carrying a sense of melancholy and disappointment after just being rejected by my father-in-law. He is one of the elders of the village and has significant influence. I see him sitting beside the chief of our people. For years, I have been trying to get the respect of these men, wanting to make my contribution to the village. I came to him with a plan to move our cattle to other places for feeding. In front of everyone, he told me I was a fool, that I didn’t know what I was doing. Now I feel shut out.

He has always been contemptuous of me. He never accepted me. He only let me marry his daughter because it was what she wanted. She is his favorite.

I am very angry, and I am going to hurt him by hurting my wife. I push her, verbally abuse her, and treat her as if she is nothing. There is a hardness in me now. I take her sexually whenever I want, ignoring her feelings.

Contributing to the village is important, especially for a man. Not being able to do this emasculates me. I need to feel powerful in some way. My wife has borne me no children and that is another reason why I feel diminished and annoyed with her.

We go to another scene in this life.

My father-in-law has just humiliated me once again in front of the other men. He rejected my ideas and dismissed me, saying, “You are a vicious fool!”

Now I am inside our hut standing over my wife’s body. I just sexually assaulted her before beating her to death.

I run. The village is on a rise, and I am running down the hill toward a forest. I can hear the people in the village stirring as they realize what has happened.

The others are coming after me, and I feel panicked. I trip and fall. Because of my terror, I’m not thinking clearly. I stumble and fall again, near a stream. The ground is slippery, and before I get up, they are upon me. I am beaten and dragged back to the village. They spread my arms and tie them to a horizontal log. Then they throw me into a fire. I feel relief that it is all over.

I am floating above the village where I see my father-in-law weeping. I am pleased that I have finally hurt him so deeply that he is in tears. Now I am in darkness, floating in space with my shoulders slowly rotating around in circles, moving into a tunnel. I am feeling quite sick. Suddenly I am back in the village, looking down on my father-in-law who is saying something to my cooking body. I am trying to hear.

He is screaming at me, “I curse you to an eternity of life as a worm. You are scum. You will never be a man. I will follow you through eternity.” He is repeating this over and over while kicking at the bones and flesh remaining on the fire.

I am floating up again. There seems to be a presence on my righthand side taking me by the arm and guiding me off to the right.

We are sitting in the same field where I have been before, an undulating slope like rounded-off terraces. It is Gabriela, my guide. We sit on the grass, and she is saying, “These are the consequences of your actions.”

I ask Jacobo what she means by “consequences.”

She is telling me that this life was a turning point, the beginning of being caught in a loop, a loop that feeds itself. The way my father-in-law treated me, the burning and the curse, is what I created. My attitudes and actions feed this loop.

My head is in my hands, and I am sobbing. I haven’t been told this before, and I am in shock. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.

The decision to seek retribution from my father-in-law by assaulting and killing his daughter leads to a cascade of negativity, building the loop. When I was first created as a soul, this path as a perpetrator was an option. The decision to take that path is a choice, an exercise of free will as a human. Gabriela, the guide, says it isn’t a wrong decision. There are no wrong decisions. Experiencing pain is important because it sinks you deeply into the human experience.

I feel shame at the way I was treated, and then I feel shame at the way I treated my wife. The father-in-law’s curse vibrates through my soul and intensifies the shame. As my lives progress, I build the loop with my anger and bitterness. I act out my anger, and I reap the awful consequences. The loop grows strong and robust.

From the beginning of his incarnations, Jacobo’s soul had agreed to be tested. In this pivotal life, his father-in-law baited him. He had several choices—to remain a victim, to respond by standing up to his father-in-law, or to seek revenge. Killing his wife was a vengeful act that took him down a treacherous path. Instead of protecting his wife, like he did in previous lives, his hate and anger took over. This was an act of free will, and free will is sacrosanct in this system. Because we reap the consequences of our decisions, it is how we grow.

Carrying the Curse

Jacobo says that after his father-in-law curses him, he feels his only power is to destroy others. I ask if he knows how curses are carried into subsequent lives.

Words are vibrations. Vibrations are codes that can travel with you through your lives. The codes enter the DNA and the DNA travels with you as code through your lives. Because I was in a vulnerable state, just after dying in the fire, the vibration of those words penetrated my soul.

Following that curse, Jacobo was caught in the loop. The “loop” is really the hundreds of years he spent in his dark night of the soul. He lives many violent lives before a turning-point life in the thirteenth century. He has built such a robust wall around him with so little empathy that he fights brutally in many wars and other violent situations. He sexually assaults and tortures people. And he is sexually assaulted and tortured himself. He is so shut down he feels very little—emotionally or physically.

I’m immune to the inhumanity of torturing people. I have their lives in my hands, and I whimsically choose whether they die slowly or quickly. This gives me a sense of power, but this is the only power I have. In other areas, I don’t feel powerful at all.

After twelve hundred earth years of experiencing this devastating path, Jacobo’s soul is ready to start a turnaround. The elders carefully plan a life that is designed to begin his reformation. A closely connected soulmate agrees to play a crucial role.

Beginning the Turnaround

In this life, Jacobo is a Christian soldier named Peter. Peter takes part in the notorious Fourth Crusade that sacked Constantinople in 1204. Our guides give us only what we can cope with, so, in an earlier regression when we visited this past life, Jacobo did not see the full desecration that the crusaders inflicted on the women and children of that city. Now, Jacobo is stronger and ready to see the truth. Jacobo describes his actions as Peter.

The streets are quite steep and cobbled. Evening is coming, and people have pots over fires. I smell smoke. We charge in on our horses, screaming and waving our swords around, chopping at the women. They run, and we chase them. I see dead women lying in the streets with their bellies cut open.

I am separated from the others now. I dismount from my horse and walk casually from door to door, still killing. I stride right up and face people before I cut them up. I am kicking open timber doors, going into courtyards, killing women and children, anyone who is there. I feel nothing. I just chop them up, look at their mutilated bodies on the ground, and walk away.

I am going next door. A group of people are cowering, backing away and screaming. I slice them up before walking out and going to the next house. The whole army is doing the same thing, all throughout the city.

I am sexually assaulting someone now. I cut her throat. Something about what I have just done has shaken me. Suddenly I walk out, feeling different. I have shocked myself out of the madness. My sword is in my hand, hanging by my side. Now I am looking at a number of terrified people waiting to be slaughtered, but I walk straight past them and out the door, shutting it as I leave.

Back on my horse, I am trotting up a hill in the opposite direction from whence I came. I am curious about what just happened, wondering how I managed to abuse and kill so many people. I feel like I have been in a trance and I just woke up. I am thinking how we were supposed to bring God to the unsaved, to the infidels, but instead we were encouraged to kill. Killing became normal until I woke up.

After the crusade, Peter goes back to England to confront the monk who sent him to this holy war. He is bitter, full of anger, blaming the monk for sending him to slaughter innocent civilians. The frightened monk kills him in the church by stabbing him with a knife.

Jacobo is given an important insight. The woman he sexually assaulted and murdered in Constantinople is his soulmate, his beloved current wife. He realizes she sacrificed herself to break the loop. This moves him deeply. We sit silently for several minutes.

After this turning-point life, Jacobo’s soul continues his journey back to connection. He has much to learn.

The Struggle Back

After the turnaround, Jacobo still struggles with his violent impulses. In one life, he sees himself on the deck of a square rigger with others laughingly shooting the innocent inhabitants of an island.

In another life, he is an ordinary member of a community in love with the chief’s daughter. He is a young, simple man but good at fishing. He is afraid but encouraged by others to ask the chief for her hand. Unfortunately, her father has other plans for her. The young man is killed for his audacity and clumsiness.

Now I am floating away above the treetops. On either side of me, two beings guide me away from the earth. I am sitting in the park with them. They are talking to me. They say, “You need more practice at speaking your mind.” I understand they mean expressing my point of view, the art of negotiation. That life was about the start of learning how to do that.

Jacobo’s soul has many lives where he is loved, where he suffers loss, and where physical sensations and emotions gradually return.

All the dark stuff sticks to you like tar as you go through your lives. When it dries, it cracks off. Some of it falls off of its own accord and some you have to pick off. When you become aware, light comes through the cracks and it becomes easier to let it go, like picking cracked toffee off a toffee apple. When you heal, it leaves a residue on you. You are guided to do what is needed. There is no point worrying about what you are carrying until you are aware that it is there. Your attention will be drawn to it when the timing is right.

In his immediate past life, Jacobo fought in the First World War.

I see trenches, smell gun smoke, and hear gunshots. My ears are buzzing. I am a young bloke, and there are dead people all around me in a trench. I don’t want to be here.

He survives the war and vows to never kill again. Residing in a little stone cottage overlooking a village in Scotland, he never marries and lives a solitary life. He is afraid. He knows he can kill without feeling, but he doesn’t want to. He spends much of his time sitting up high above the village, looking down at green hills, watching the colors of the dawn and sunset while living a life of quiet and calm. But in that life, he avoids connecting to anyone. He doesn’t know how to interact with people. He is so used to war.

Until he did the regressions, Jacobo was still carrying some of the remnants left over from all these challenging past lives.

I am getting an image of sweeping the crumbs off a table after the feast is eaten. The crumbs are the journey I have taken through the regressions, and the feast is the many lives I lived. The feast is satisfying. I have learned much and now I better understand human nature.

As part of “brushing the crumbs off the table,” I ask Jacobo to renounce the original curse of his father-in-law that propelled him deeper into his perpetrator lives. I ask him to speak with conviction the following words:

I reject that I am not a man and cannot be a man. I am a man in every positive sense of that word. I am a man with an open heart.

Reconnecting

Before he completed the regressions, Jacobo was afraid of being close to his wife and others, and deeply bothered by his thoughts of sexual predation.

Because of my fear of acting violently, I locked myself away. My wife was rattling my doorknob to get in, and that felt threatening to me. I wanted to open that door, but I was afraid. I never wanted to hurt anyone again, and I didn’t trust myself.

I have had lifetimes of using sex as power. I am completely releasing that now. There is nothing without the beauty of connection. I am seeing a lotus flower, sacred and beautiful, representing authentic sexual connection.

He also had many headaches, finally discovering their source.

The many headaches I get, especially on the left side of my forehead above the eye and at the base of my skull, come from my resistance. Being locked down takes constant energy. Keeping the door shut on my feelings is exhausting.

Jacobo spent his life working hard to meet his obligations to his family, but he felt the heaviness of this load. He is given insight into this burden.

The guilt I feel in taking time for myself comes from my feelings of obligation, my sense of needing to make amends. Now I know I have no reason to feel guilty. I do have obligations but, in the past, I fulfilled them from a sense of guilt, which always felt heavy. Now I will fulfill them lightly, “wanting to” rather than “having to,” joyfully doing what needs to be done.

We ask Jacobo’s guide, Gabriela, about the heavy path Jacobo’s soul has taken during his earth journey. She gives us important information.

The majority of souls do take a dark path. It is about gaining balance. One of the purposes of coming to earth is to experience the dark. Earth was built for it. Other places are lighter, softer, and gentler than earth, and not as good for learning.

We discover that the father-in-law who cursed him in that past life, two thousand years ago, shares the same soul as Jacobo’s current father. This explains an unusual incident that happened after Jacobo’s first regression.

Two days after that first session, Jacobo had a serious accident at work that severed a part of a finger. The physical nature of his occupation meant Jacobo could not work for several months, so he was given time off with full pay. During this period, his father was dying. Jacobo’s father had been a difficult man, so their relationship was not easy. His father expressed much torment as his life drew to a close. Nevertheless, Jacobo loved his father and spent two months taking him to his medical appointments, sitting with him, talking to him, and being at his side when he died. Jacobo’s “accident” was no accident at all.

Jacobo wrote me an email after his father passed.

Without the guidance you and two others gave me to open my heart and drop old baggage no longer of any use to me, I wouldn’t have been available to my dad.

I would not have been calm enough, still enough, or patient enough to stand quietly beside my father as he embraced his mortality. I would not have been able to sit beside him on his last day and just hold his hand. I would not have been able to cradle his head in my hands, gently stroking his face and reassuring him that everything was okay when he woke two hours before he died, with horror and fear contorting his features. Thank you for the part you played that allowed me the honor to attend to my father.

In his final regression, Jacobo successfully faced his last demons: his sexual thoughts and compulsions. Gabriela told Jacobo that he has completed over ninety percent of his earthly lives. He is on the downward run of his soul journey, and his future lives will be a consolidation of all that he has learned. He will be given the opportunity to love and guide others who will benefit from the experience, compassion, and wisdom he has developed.

A few weeks after his last draining regression, which included the complete story of the crusader, Jacobo sent me an email.

It has taken me a while to bounce back from our last session. The next day, Saturday, I was crying on and off all day and felt flat and tired for the next two weeks. This last week I have felt free. That is the word that I keep using when I check in on myself. Free. My mood has lifted, and I am no longer feeling driven as I was prior to our session. Thank you once again for providing all I needed to face this part of myself.

At last contact, Jacobo had just finished his first year studying kinesiology, planning to complete the diploma in the following year. He reported continuing his personal growth, founded in the work he and I did together.

I know it took a lot of courage for Jacobo to face the inner demons of his past, to bring them into the light where they were dissolved with unconditional love and understanding. He completed many lifetimes of confronting experiences before undertaking some lives that included opportunities for quiet contemplation.

Conclusion

We have lifetimes to experience and then lifetimes to reflect and grow our understanding of ourselves and our journey. Because we tend to live longer lives in our current era, we have the opportunity to experience challenges in our life and, as well, reflect and integrate what we have learned. The current lives of many people in this book were designed to create opportunities for contemplation. That is why they undertook their regressions: to figure out the nature of the challenges they have faced and why. Many reading this book will be on the same journey, curious about their lives and keen to clear any blocks to fulfilling their life purpose.

One of the first steps is vicariously exploring the journey of others. To that end, we now look at those acting out their deep inadequacies by dominating others. They appear arrogant and entitled, with no care for their victims and no inkling of how destructive they are. Why do they oppress and misuse others? Are they trying to prove how powerful they are?

In the following chapters, we explore the need for domination more deeply.

Capítulo 3. PERPETRADOR

 

SECTION 2:

INTO THE DEPTHS

CHAPTER 3

AGREEING TO BE THE PERPETRATOR

Souls have free will. We agree to incarnate on earth with all that entails. We may become lost, confused, victimized, or villainous. But we make our decision without realizing how deeply immersive our experiences on earth shall be. This ignorance is a major attraction of this dense planet. Coming here is an adventure. Just as some of us want to try all the games and rides at a theme park, including the scary ones, some souls want to try all the experiences earth offers.

We do not play perpetrator roles without our agreement. We might be chosen rather than volunteering, but our agreement is still needed. To fully experience the earth, we need to know what it is like to be cut off from Source and go it alone. We plan experiences that lure us down this track of isolation. Anyone venturing into unknown territory all alone will build courage and inner strength. This is a process of individuation and part of the earth curriculum.

Ultimately, at the highest levels of understanding, no actions are good or bad. They are seen just as experiences. But that doesn’t feel true to us here on earth. Although a few people glorify war and cruelty, most of us do not. We abhor it, desiring peace, love, acceptance, and respect. But have you noticed the dilemma in the previous statement? Hating the actions of the haters puts us all in the same negative category. How can we reconcile this contradiction?

We need boundaries on earth. We want our freedom, but we also want to be protected. We have laws, rules, and customs. When we break the law, we are rightly punished. When we disrespect others, we are chastised. The consequences we reap are important teachers.

We can censure those who cross boundaries while understanding why and how they transgressed. Understanding is not the same as excusing.

I was challenged to make this distinction with Casilda, a lovely client I knew from my psychology practice. She was the first of my clients who relived a past life as a cruel perpetrator. You might remember Casilda, whose case I mentioned in the introduction. In this chapter we follow her story, exploring the preamble to the slave trader’s life, how the slave trader turned around, and the struggle back to reconnecting to Source.

The Slave Trader

Casilda found she was repeatedly attracted to narcissists. She wanted to know why she had this unwitting attraction and how she could avoid this trap.

What is a narcissist? The mythological Narcissus could not love others. He spurned them. Instead, he fell in love with the superficial vision of himself. People with narcissistic personality disorder are characterized as being arrogant, lacking in empathy, needing excessive admiration, oppressing others, and carrying a sense of entitlement.

In Casilda’s regression, we discovered she had been a narcissistic slave trader in a past life. Now we return to Casilda’s regression to understand how she came to be a cold-hearted slave trader—and how this past life had been influencing her choices in her current life.

The slave trader lived a long time ago in a town on the Arabian Peninsula. He sold a young slave girl to a lascivious old man. At first, the slave trader enjoyed the thought of her suffering at the hands of this man, but his enjoyment didn’t last. The girl stared at him, not with despair but with disgust. Casilda, as the slave trader, describes what happens next.

I start having nightmares about the slave girl, and this is the beginning of me going mad.

I have a wife and children, including a little girl of three. My daughter loves me so much. She adores me and looks up to me. I wonder what she would think about the work I do.

I cannot stop selling people because of the money. Life is hard without money. You are in the good class or the bad class and I want to stay in the good class. So I keep doing it and suffering the nightmares. I continually see the eyes of the young slave girl burning into me. Even though she was frightened, she looked at me with pity as if she was saying, “How can you do this?” In my dreams, her eyes go right through me and her face transforms horribly, haunting me.

I am not coping well in the market. I argue about the price of a slave with a man who loses his temper. He stabs me with a knife. His eyes are the same as the girl’s, looking at me with pity.

I am dying. I feel sad to leave my family but also relieved it is over. I was in turmoil.

Freeing the Slave Trader

As the slave trader passes over, I notice Casilda is quiet. I assume she is processing the information that is coming through. Eventually, she breaks the silence.

I feel warmth and love. Someone is coming to greet me, saying, “We have been waiting for you.” Oh! I see the same eyes of the young slave girl I sold on earth. She is one of my soulmates. She is looking at me with such love.

How crazy! Does this normally happen? I cannot believe that these words are coming out of my mouth. I just know she was that girl and I was that man who sold people.

Casilda is embraced by the former slave. I pause to allow her to absorb the love, but she is struggling. The heart of the slave trader had been closed for a long time. Casilda feels a lot of pain in her heart, and I encourage her to embrace and breathe through the pain to soften the hardness.

Fifteen minutes later, the pain subsides. We discover that slave trading was an occupation passed down from previous generations. The slave trader’s father taught him to be ruthless by beating him brutally, just as he had been beaten by his own father. Slave traders have to be cold and hard. The young boy learns his lessons well, passing on his pain to others, including animals and his little brother.

I become hard. Why would I care about the slaves? I have never been happy. When I see them suffer, I feel something inside, a sort of pleasure that fills a void. The only thing I treasure is my daughter. She is my only joy, the only real feeling I have.

The slave trader disconnects from his true self, from others, and from Source. Feeling isolated, he is numb and empty inside, focusing on survival and material wealth. His daughter and the slave girl are the only ones who can crack his shell of isolation.

The slave trader’s life began the process of breaking the pattern of disconnection, which his soul had been playing out. Two soulmates volunteered to help: his daughter and the slave girl. Although this life was a turning point, this soul was not clear after the slave trader’s death. There was a long way back to reconnect to the greater self.

Sympathy for Narcissists

The conflict and confusion of the slave trader experienced at his death was triggered in Casilda’s current life. It may have been present in other lives too. She felt sympathy for narcissists, especially those who felt alone and lost. This accounted for her attraction to these unsuitable men whom she tried to help. She was too clouded to assess them accurately. As we will see, she only obtained full clarity when she accessed her life between lives during the regression, when the full story of her dark night of the soul was revealed.

The Pact: Never Again

After Casilda recounts the slave trader’s death, I wonder why she experienced this life as a perpetrator. Was the slave trader’s contempt just the result of his childhood? Or was there more to the story? I ask for more information.

Casilda is taken to a past life that occurred two thousand years before the slave trader was born.

I am in South America, living as part of a native group in the Amazonian forest. I am a young girl playing with other children. We feel free and wear very little. We are all having fun, dancing around the fire. We live in harmony and are happy.

Another group, with people who look like us, is coming. They have more clothes and more weapons than we do. They are using wooden spears and axes to kill all the old people. They take us away. We walk and walk and walk. They are ritually sacrificing the men, and I am being sold because I am a girl.

I am sold to a wealthy family. I am a servant and sexual object for the father and his son. Every time they sexually assault me, I kill a part of my soul. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore, so I surrender to the darkness. I am empty. I make a survival pact. I will never let anyone hurt me again. I die from sickness, aged fifteen.

The pact means I will hurt others rather than be hurt. When I go up, I am lost. I can see someone waiting for me, but I am so angry I push them away, saying, “How can you let this happen to me?”

As we have seen in the previous chapter, making a pact to never allow herself to be hurt will take Casilda down a perilous path.

Lost In Between Heaven and Earth

After this life of forced servitude, the young girl’s soul refuses to go home with her guide because of her anger and bitterness. She describes where she is.

I am in between—in between earth and heaven. I feel alone, but there are other people around who are like me. It is such a weird place. All this lost energy. Everybody seems lost. Some know they need to go up, but they don’t understand why they cannot. Others don’t even realize that they are supposed to go up. For me, I just don’t care. Because they [the higher beings] let me suffer so terribly, why would they help anybody? If we are love, why would they let some of us suffer so much? Why do we have to come back to earth and have this physical experience that is so painful? It is safer in the darkness because you already know what to expect. It is less painful because it is empty.

As we have seen in the previous chapter, Casilda’s explanation of preferring emptiness to being on earth is not new. We encountered spirits who found themselves in a cold place of emptiness and darkness.

Perpetrator and Victim Lives

I ask Casilda how she got out of this dark, empty state.

Someone comes to me in that place, saying, “You start to see, Little One. Remember the Source when you were first born as a soul?”

I remembered, and it felt beautiful, better than being lost. I just get a taste of it. I have to go back to have earthly lives and work on opening up. I am not ready to get it yet. I have to keep working on it. I agree to play the perpetrator. The guides say to me, “If that is what you want, Little One, you can go back to earth and do that. Be a perpetrator.”

I had three or four lifetimes as a perpetrator. The first one was the worst, the most violent. I can see I am torturing people.

After those perpetrator lives, which included the slave trader life, Casilda had many other lives, some as a victim. She describes one of these lives, which she experienced during the regression.

I am walking along the corridor of a castle with portraits on the walls in medieval times. I am fifteen, wearing a blue dress, beautiful but simple, made of natural fabric. My blonde hair is braided and wrapped around my head. Looking at the portraits, I feel a lot of anger, frustration, and jealousy. I want to belong, but the people here are mean to me. In my heart I am supposed to belong, but I don’t.

It hurts. I am confused because I don’t understand why people are so cruel and mean to me.

I am in an old kitchen with a big oven cut in the stone walls. People are working there, and one of the cooks is telling me the nobleman and his family will never love me. I am not accepted as one of his family because even though I am his daughter, the cook is my mother. I have his eyes. The others are mean and jealous because the nobleman is kind to me. I think he really loves my mother, but they are not from the same world.

The young girl is distraught. She feels the rejection of her father and the family deeply. She suddenly jumps out of a high castle opening, dying.

I can see my father is very sad, crying over my body. Soon after I died, my mother sickened and died too.

My heart hurts. I couldn’t help this girl. I recognize the pain of this life, the feeling of not belonging and the self-loathing. She was fifteen.

In my current life, I tried to kill myself at fifteen. It was when my mother cut me off, punishing me because I wanted to live with my father.

A familiar pattern has played out in many of Casilda’s feminine lives—trauma, followed by death at the age of fifteen. As a young girl forced into domestic and sexual slavery, she became ill and died at fifteen. After that experience, she chose to incarnate as a perpetrator. In this medieval life, she commits suicide at fifteen. In her current life, she tried to kill herself at fifteen but failed. This failure began to break the pattern.

I have had other clients who have similar patterns run through their past lives. One client relived two lives where she died at sixteen and nearly did the same again in her current life. According to her guide, she was naïve and reckless, and he successfully helped her avoid the same fate.

Reaching Home

Casilda’s medieval past life is one of the many lives she undertakes on her way back to love. After throwing herself from the window, she arrives at her life between lives. She is surrounded by her soul group.

They are saying, “You are now ready to start the next chapter.” Wow!

There are other souls here who I know. We are together, and there is no judgment. We don’t even need to speak. We communicate so easily and understand each other so well. I have a strong sense of belonging and connection.

I am part of a soul group, and we are only as strong as all of us. Soulmates cannot turn their back on the lost one. Love conquers all. Light conquers all. They love me unconditionally.

Part of my soul journey is the betterment of the whole soul group. They tell me that one day I will be ready to come back as love. I am not to be afraid anymore. Now they are asking me what I am going to do now that I know all of this.

I am a leader, and I am not to doubt what I feel. I can see the impact of my current life’s childhood. I was lost. I had a pull to do something about it. Because I had not dealt with it, I wasn’t grounded in my body. Because of all the therapy I have undertaken during my life, I am better grounded now and done with the past.

Casilda has been carrying the guilt of the slave trader over many incarnations. This helped her stay on the path of reaching for the light. Now, that guilt has been released. She has developed a deep, firsthand understanding of perpetrators and victims, how they fall down, and how they ascend. This gives her a depth of compassion that can be used to help others.

What I have been feeling is the right path for me. My mission is to help traumatized children become grounded, especially those in their teenage years who have struggled like I did. Even though each one has a different, specific struggle, all follow a similar pattern and direction. I am to help these teens connect with their real self.

If you can do all these awful things and recover, you can help others. Love is always within you, not outside of you. It never left you. I am to help these teens understand that love is always within.

Casilda shared earlier in her session with me that she senses spirits visiting her at night, alarming her. Now she is beginning to understand what has been going on.

My soulmates are telling me not to be afraid of the lost ones who come to see me at night. I am to help them too. These are people who have died and are stuck. They don’t remember who they are. But I know who they are. I was like them. I know what it is like to be lost. The guides are saying, “Thank you for helping out, Little One.”

Casilda returns from her life between lives feeling light and energized. She is amazed to learn how lost she was, but now all her guilt and pity has dissipated.

Eighteen months later, she writes to tell me how her life has changed. After the regression, she was never attracted to a narcissist again.

Everything has been going very fast, actually. I guess this is what happens when you remember who you are. I have embraced myself fully and discovered a self-love that I never knew could exist. I feel so grateful for it and have been on this amazing life journey full of love and experience. My third eye and connection to spirits has been stronger than ever. I have met and connected with wonderful people along the way, and it is not over. This fills me with so much joy. The challenges of life don’t feel so hard anymore, just a question of perspective.

Casilda’s soul chose to take the perpetrator path long ago after a brief life filled with extreme suffering. By default, her iron-clad decision to never suffer again sent her into a state of suspended darkness for hundreds of years. After she emerged from her protective cocoon, she decided to undertake lives as perpetrators. She wasn’t ready to trust again. She still felt bruised and unwilling to open up her heart, which would involve being vulnerable and hurt. By default, a soul’s decision to never be hurt is a choice of separation. Playing perpetrator roles kept her heart closed. That felt safer.

After four lives as a perpetrator, her soul was ready for the change. The slave trader life was a turning point. It began the reversal of her earlier decision to never suffer again. The guilt from the slave trader’s life carried over into her subsequent lives. Carried-over guilt is useful, reminding her to avoid perpetrating against others. At this stage, she had not fully opened up her heart, being still afraid and self-protective. But her fear of being hurt creates what she dreads most: terrible emotional pain, like the rejection she experienced as the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman. But her lives of suffering are useful. She learns what it is like to be victimized, the flip side of perpetration. This crystalizes her desire to never willingly make anyone suffer in the future.

Remnants of guilt were left over from the slave trader life and the medieval life, but they had a purpose. These energies bled into her current life, causing her problems and giving her an opportunity to awaken. She set out on the path of discovering who she really was. She succeeded, healing the past life remnants while gaining a deeper understanding of her true self.

Casilda’s soul has experienced many heavy lives as a perpetrator and a victim, but these no longer define her. She is connected to her true self and sees ahead a path of service, utilizing the knowledge and wisdom she has developed. She is proceeding down this path with much joy and a new partner who is kind, loving, and committed to spending his life with her.

Conclusion

We might wonder why we are attracted to someone, especially when the person turns out to be unsuitable. When the same unwanted pattern of attraction keeps happening, we may be compelled to go searching for the reasons, as Casilda did. This is wise. 

We can be confused when our choice of partner or friends do not work out as we expected. Our choices are not random or accidental. There are reasons for our emotional responses and actions, but our deeper motivations are not always apparent.

We need to dig deep to discover why we are falling into the same patterns. Probably, it involves some unique past experience that remains unresolved. Humans are complex, and our experiences are unique and many. What we find is not likely to be as disturbing or unexpected as what Casilda discovered. But whatever lies beneath, spending our time and energy in the quest to bring it to the light is worthwhile. Once we gain a full understanding of what has happened, we are liberated from our unhealthy attractions and compulsions.

Capítulo 2. PERDIÉNDOSE.

 

Esta foto que subo me da pie para poner un trozo de la película "Alma (Soul)" que habla de lo que  los  guionistas interpretan como alma perdida. Por supuesto no es artículo de fe y, por lo que sabemos, esto no deja de ser una visión corta de lo que se explica desde el mundo newtoniano, pero como broma vale. Aquí se iguala el concepto de estar perdido con el de estar obsesionado. En una interpretación simplista: los personajes que van en un barco del tipo de carabela española se dedican a rescatar almas "perdidas", es decir, obsesionadas. Bonito cuento

CHAPTER 2

GETTING LOST

For many years, I worried about earthbound spirits. When we die, our spirit is released from our body. It contains the energy and nature of our soul, as well as a lifetime’s worth of experience. Usually, our spirit passes over to our life between lives—but not always. Sometimes, we become stuck in the earth plane—usually when we’re tangled up in the trauma or confusion of our death.

Early in my career, one of my clients became fearful during our session. She recounted the terror of being mortally stabbed. This occurred in a previous life when she had been incarnated as male. He refused to accept his death. Instead of ascending to his life between lives, his spirit found itself trapped in an ongoing fight for survival.

Later, many of my clients reported similar traumas, which they relived with an emotional intensity, making the death seem vividly real. Once the pain and terror were released, they felt light, peaceful, and liberated. When I investigated further, I realised they had released aspects of themselves who had become stuck at the end of their previous lives.

I wondered why so many spirits became trapped at death in some sort of suspended state that seemed like purgatory. Could there be a flaw in the makeup of the earth system? Eventually, I encountered clients whose regressions helped me make sense of this confusion.

We come to earth having forgotten the details of our previous incarnations, which is commonly called “the amnesia.” But not everything is forgotten. How could we evolve if that was the case? Something must be retained. In this chapter, we explore how this works.

We become lost by cutting ourselves off from Source and others to varying degrees. In fact, we are always connected to these higher energies, just as our phone connects us to the outside world. We decide who we call, how often, and whether to take a call or not. We can ask for help or go it alone. In this analogy, regardless of our choice, the connection is still there. It is the same in the nonphysical world. Lost spirits can forget or refuse their connection to Source. Focused on survival, some are still fighting for their lives and others are lost and confused, unaware that their body has died.

The cases in this chapter are about people who have been lost. People coming to see me have been lost and are now in the process of re-establishing healthy relationships with themselves, others, and Source rather than descending further into darkness. However, their stories can show us how souls become lost and stay lost. We learn how their choices affected their subsequent lives. We also gain a glimpse of how souls emerge, although this is addressed in more detail in later chapters.

Lost from Shock

Our personality, our beliefs, and our focus shape our experience of dying. For example, people who cling tightly to the material world will intensely resist their death. This tension can bind the spirit to the earth plane even after the body has long since turned to dust.

During past life and life between lives regressions, we relive at least one death. Our reaction to dying becomes clear to us. Some of us accept death, while others fight back. Some don’t want to die, and others feel shocked and confused. When we resist death we leave a residue of energy—an earthbound spirit—which can influence the trajectory of our subsequent lives.

In her regression, Freda was taken back to a past life specifically to release an energetic remnant left over from her death in that life. Previously, she had harboured a pervasive sense of feeling lost, which had worsened over time.

In the early twentieth century past life, Freda was a teenager living in a Quaker community in the Midwest of the US. When a vicious storm came, she and her mother huddled together under a table. Freda reports what happened after a tornado suddenly struck.

Why am I here? I can’t work out where I am. I feel lost. I don’t know what is going on. Where is my mother? I cannot find her. I am confused.

Holding her mother tightly as they cowered underneath the kitchen table, Freda felt the terror rising in her chest when the house began to shake. She was so focused on riding out the storm, she did not even realize she had died. Her guides explain how this happens.

When the death is quick, we can go into a limbo state. It gives us an opportunity to calm down. The guides are watching. They know you are confused, and they want you to calm down on your own before you are aware of anything else.

I ask if there was a part of the young girl’s energy still stuck in the illusion of the Midwest until we did the regression.

Yes. That is why I asked, “Why am I here?” I was still stuck there. That is why we were taken to that life, to free me. It is like a memory, and now we are bringing in a new perspective.

When our spirit is lost, we can feel lost in our current life. Some people have trouble navigating, worrying about getting lost in their hometown or city. For example, some don’t know which direction is north. These clients usually tell me they have lost their way in life. I am not surprised when we discover one or more past lives where they died without knowing where to go, finding themselves stuck.

Fear Carried Over

Some beliefs humans hold are fundamentally faulty. For example, many people believe they are nothing more than their physical body, meaning they expect to experience nothing after they die. Even those with a concept of a creator can be trapped in an illusion, fearing they will be punished or sent to hell at the end of their life. Either view can create a substantial block to moving on after death, which then impacts their subsequent lives.

Because we create our reality, if we believe there is nothing after death, that is what we shall find: nothingness. Unfortunately, this is common. I have encountered hundreds of spirits caught in this state.

Linda never married and lives alone. Through her interest in past lives, she has established contact with her spirit guide. She knows some of her past lives have been traumatic. Before we begin her regression, she shares how she feels.

I am anxious, afraid of death. I am ruled by fear. I fear I have done something bad. There is a feeling in me that I have dabbled in the dark forces and done terrible things.

I suddenly died in a fire in one past life. In WWII, I was in the Resistance in France, and I was shot. I was the chief of an American Indigenous clan in another [life] when I was overpowered and killed by my current brother. I decided I would never want to be subjected to that again. That decision has affected me ever since. I am judgmental and shut down. My guide told me, “That decision has closed your heart.” I don’t want to stay closed. 

Making such an emphatic decision—“I shall never be overpowered by anyone again”—can imprint our soul and close our hearts. Once the soul is imprinted, the impact of that decision can carry over into subsequent lives. Being constantly vigilant for any hint of aggression creates a mindset of distrust—the opposite of an open heart. When we draw our boundaries so tight, we end up feeling anxious in many situations. While we may fend off aggressive people, we can also feel threatened by those who are simply self-confident, assertive, or decisive, not to mention those who hold views that contradict our beliefs. The intensity of our reaction toward others reflects the severity of our original trauma.

Linda has been affected in her current life by this decision to never be overpowered. Now she is taken to a past life where that decision also played out. In this life, Linda’s soul is a miner called Roberto.

To transition clients into a past life, I often suggest they move through a beautiful tunnel. When I suggest this to Linda at the beginning of her regression, she immediately feels afraid. I have inadvertently triggered her fear of being overwhelmed.

It’s like a railway tunnel. It is big enough for me to go through, but I feel like I am confined and trapped. Now it is too small to fit through, too enclosed to move. I don’t want to be in a narrow space where it feels like all is tumbling down on me. I feel like I am under the earth, underground, like in a coal mine. The earth is shaking with dirt and stones falling. The tunnel is collapsing. There is dust, and I am gasping for breath. I don’t think I am getting out of it.

After expressing words of support and safety, I ask Roberto if he died.

I don’t feel any different. But I am scared, scared of the nothingness. The nothingness is claustrophobic, awful. I feel panic wondering how to get out of here. It is like a hell, this overwhelming nothingness. I feel alone. I can’t imagine anyone being here. There is nothing but nothingness here.

Souls’ intentions play out. The power behind the past life decision to never be overpowered is fueled by fear. Roberto is focusing on what he does not want, on his fear of being crushed. We create what we fear. After his death, Roberto is experiencing his deepest fear.

When clients experience a sense of nothingness and isolation, I usually ask if they find anything positive about that state. When I ask this of Roberto, he gives me the answer I have heard so many times before. He says he feels safe here. He doesn’t like being used by others, and here he is alone. When I ask if there is anyone he can trust, he names another miner called Xuan. Xuan used to take him for a drink in the pub at the end of their shift.

I realize Xuan must have died many years ago and his spirit might have moved on, but I also know that Linda’s spirit guides have taken us to this past life to resolve the past trauma. I am confident that somehow Xuan will appear, so I ask Roberto if he would accept an invitation from Xuan.

I just got a sense of someone with red hair. It’s Xuan! It’s vague but I sense he is smiling. I am numb. Shocked. The change in circumstances was so unexpected. Xuan is taking me somewhere. I see green fields and a stream. I am happy here. [Crying.] I am glad to be out of the darkness. I feel relieved. I am washing all the dirt off me in the stream. Now I am sitting in the sun. Oh! I see a group of miners who died in the mine too. They are saying “It is okay now. We are out of that mine.” I am happy to be out of it.

Although Roberto wasn’t close to people, he was generous and respected by the community. People who need to feel in control of their relationships are often generous. Giving rather than receiving provides a sense of control and safety. Reciprocity is a common pattern, deeply held in the human psyche. When we accept a gift or help from others, we feel an underlying tension that remains until we reciprocate in some way. Generosity helps us feel safe because we sense the other owes us and is less likely to do us harm.

Linda’s soul became lost after she decided to never be overpowered again. This decision imprinted the soul and played out in subsequent lifetimes in various ways. Roberto wasn’t overpowered by people in his life, but he was overwhelmed by the mine collapsing and becoming lost in nothingness after his death. His spirit remained trapped until he was freed by Linda during the regression.

Overreacting: A Clue to the Past

Accessing a past life means bringing forgotten experiences into the present. During a regression, there is a rich interplay between the person we are now—our personality, the beliefs we hold, our current emotional state—and the person we were in that past life. We are different people, but unresolved experiences from our past lives still influence our current lives. Once our past life traumas are resolved, they no longer have a hold over us. If we are still haunted by traumatic lives, we can be negative, closed down, guilt ridden, or full of blame. If we have resolved some past life trauma while other traumas still remain, we may vacillate between joy and negativity depending on our current circumstances. When we live in the shadow of past life trauma, seemingly innocuous experiences can trigger us, bringing our past into the present.

Manuel, a teacher, was under the care of a doctor, psychiatrist, and psychologist, each greatly concerned with his state of mind and his suicide attempts. Over a span of three years, Manuel came to see me three times. After reviewing the notes of these sessions, I realized his suffering was a culmination of pain accumulated over several lifetimes. This was also evident from a statement he made in his first session.

I am fulfilling a purpose that goes over a number of lifetimes. It is a big project, and I won’t finish it this lifetime.

Manuel is gradually releasing his underlying sense of being flawed. In spite of his innocence in a past life and his current life, he has been unable to free himself of this sense of inadequacy that plagues him.

Two years before our first session, a disengaged, hostile student had falsely accused Manuel of hitting him. Manuel’s reaction to this libel was disproportionate. His headmaster referred the matter to the police, and even though the investigation that followed cleared him of any wrongdoing, Manuel remained angry, devastated, depressed, and suicidal. In desperation, he resigned from his teaching position. Before he came for his first session, he still suffered from depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.

During the regression, Manuel accessed a past life as a very young girl falsely charged with witchcraft. Although she protests her innocence, the elders of the village decide to conduct a trial by water. She is bound and thrown into a river. If she sinks, she will be deemed innocent and pulled out. If she floats, she will be condemned as guilty. Manuel reports what happens.

My hands are tied. I am up on the surface. [Pause.] Now I am going down, deeper and deeper. I don’t want them to kill me and believe I was guilty. I am determined to prove my innocence.

In reality, the young girl dies, but from her perspective she is still fighting to prove her innocence. Thus, she never accepts her death. Instead, her sense of injustice and her vow to survive trap her spirit in a timeless struggle for survival and absolution.

Being falsely accused at the school triggered Manuel’s unresolved trauma from this past life. I ask him if he can see any link between the past life and the present.

The headmaster had me trapped, and I had no way to escape. I can see I was resonating with this past injustice. I can feel how determined the drowning girl was to prove them wrong. She desperately wanted to survive.

So desperate to be proven innocent, the young girl failed to realize that proof is not really required when you know, in the depths of your soul, that you have done nothing wrong. As she sank down into the water, she sensed her guilt, shame, and worthlessness, accumulated from previous past lives. These feelings had surfaced in Manuel again when the student bore false witness against him. He, too, was desperate to clear his name.

Manuel values being strong-willed but wants to know how to let go of his old fears. I tell Manuel that even though the young girl yearned to survive, she drowned in front of the villagers. Now is the time to come to terms with her loss. Manuel takes one slow, deep breath, then finds himself back in the water.

Manuel’s body is shaking all over. I encourage him to keep breathing, slow and steady. He faces the harsh truth that the young girl died unfairly, drawing her feelings of disappointment into his heart. Only when he has fully embraced those feelings can he gradually let go of her life.

Now I am in a field of flowers. My guides are here, telling me they are proud of me. It feels good.

Rescuing the young girl from her watery grave gave Manuel some relief, and his medical professionals were surprised by his sudden improvement. But three years later he returned to see me, still struggling with suicidal ideation.

Sadly, his medical practitioners could only offer him limited help. He told me they panic when he shares his desperation and suicidal thoughts, which only isolates him more. They do not understand that he is suffering an existential crisis that will take several lifetimes to resolve.

As we have seen, profound experiences in one life can impact our later lives. When an event occurs in our current life that is similar to the trauma in the past life, it triggers the original reaction.

Post-traumatic stress, or PTSD, is the same. A serious event like a car accident, a sudden loss, or anything that causes a deep shock can shake us to the core. The emotional charge and imprinted memories of the trauma can stay with us and later trigger a reaction. If you ever find yourself overreacting to something another person says or does, perhaps you are still carrying some PTSD from old wounds. Being triggered tells you this trauma remains unresolved. The emotion that fuels your overreaction may come from trauma you experienced earlier in your current life, in a past life, or both.

Slipping Down

Avoiding the pain of trauma is a strategy with limited efficacy. By getting angry and isolating, we can evade our present suffering, but our wounds are not healed, and our past will continue to stalk us.

Nora came for a regression with a number of issues, including relationship problems, claustrophobia, and back pain. During the regression, she visited several past lives. In one she is an aunt looking after her deceased brother’s children. She loves the children but doesn’t care for their mother, whom she describes as unstable.

I can see some children who are sick and dying. I try to help them with some medicine. I feel completely desperate. I give them medicine, herbs I have picked. There is nothing more I can do to save them.

The priest comes. He is with the children when they are dying. Everyone is confused about what happened. Someone says they were poisoned. Now I am not sure if they were sick or poisoned. The widow and the rest of the family are pointing the finger at me.

I have to turn around and run. I try to hide at a friend’s place. I can feel the panic. I am in agony, despair, and misery. I am stuck right now. I am hiding. There is nowhere else to go. I know I will hang. I feel very scared.

They are going to hang me. I am angry. Very angry. I want revenge. I am making a curse. I will get her [the widow] in another life.

Nora was hanged for something she believes she didn’t do. She turned away from Source and invoked a diabolical power to avenge her death.

A curse is the opposite of atonement (at-one-ment). Hating someone and seeking revenge separates us from Source. It affects the soul. As we saw in the previous chapter, we are all ultimately “one.” At a fundamental level, a curse on others is a curse on ourselves. If we believe our curses have the power to hurt others, it follows that we believe others’ curses have the power to harm us. We find ourselves living in a menacing occult world.

Nora’s subsequent life shows how her act of separation plays out. In this life, she is a strongly built fisherman, who loves nothing more than being out on the sea fishing. Although he has a wife and two children, he likes being alone.

I am not at home often, and I can’t think of where I live because it is not important. I am not a good family man. It all feels a bit pointless.

I look at the children and I am scared. I am afraid something will happen to them. I feel anxiety, no control. I want to run away from the feeling. When I am away, I don’t feel that so much. I am terrified of my own children. I wasn’t prepared for those feelings when I had those children.

It is my job to be a fisherman, and I use it as my excuse to be out at sea. It is so peaceful. I don’t want to go home. I stay out late. I feel like I ended up never going home. I stayed out on the boat and abandoned my family. I let them drift away. I live on my boat and go into other ports.

The fisherman cannot emotionally connect with his family. He is now living in the menacing world inadvertently created by soul choices made in previous lives. The aunt whose nephews and nieces died felt powerless. She couldn’t save the children, nor could she save herself. She felt victimized by the rest of her family and couldn’t accept what happened. She resorted to anger, disconnecting from Source and seeking revenge.

Her lack of trust passed on to the fisherman. He avoids responsibility and caring for his family, believing that distance will protect him from the pain of losing them. This is a strategy many souls use after experiencing a deep hurt in a life where they felt overly responsible.

Nora receives some insight into these two past lives.

I ignored how my actions affected others, and that can be selfish. I think short-term rather than long-term, especially in relationships. I ignore those relationships with people I don’t care about or who are difficult. I dismiss the ones who are difficult to deal with.

As the fisherman, I was scared of caring for the children, of damaging them in some way and of being hurt. I didn’t trust myself. I wanted to love but I didn’t know how to do it safely.

In my current life, I have chosen not to have children. The fisherman had an opportunity to do it right and he didn’t. I haven’t forgiven him. I feel like I can only live my lives with minimum responsibility.

I need to pay more attention to people, realize their needs are important, and look at what they need. All the problems I have with my back are from that life. I have the feeling that no one has my back. I run away because I don’t trust myself.

My widowed sister-in-law is my mother in my current life. I felt so angry with my mother and I never understood why. I would think about pushing her down the stairs. I am hitting “cancel, clear, delete” to the curse I put on her when I was on the scaffold.

Nora blamed the fisherman for her decision not to have a family in her current life. She didn’t understand why the fisherman chose to isolate and hadn’t taken full responsibility for her decision to remain childless.

Her back pain is one issue she wishes to address. I suggest she go to the origin of the problem. Nora finds herself in an enclosed space. We discover she is experiencing a past life as a reckless man. He was engaged to marry but got tangled up with another woman, sabotaging his marriage plans and shortening his life.

I feel like I am in a box, a punishment box. There are two holes, and I am looking outside. I can see some trees.

Someone in authority didn’t like me and left me there. I feel like I am there forever. I cannot stand up, but I cannot sit down either. I feel very uncomfortable, and my back is feeling very bad. I feel so hopeless and sad.

I make suggestions to help Nora free this trapped spirit. Gradually, he realizes he died in the box and doesn’t need to be trapped there anymore. He goes to the light. Now Nora gains more information about that life.

That life ended much earlier than expected. From that experience, I lost trust and my soul got damaged. The life feels like a waste. But it is not a waste if I use it to remind me to not rush. That life and death made me a very determined person, more focused and serious about things. I was better at seeing what is important.

Decisions made in Nora’s previous lives did not solve her problems. In seeking to avoid more pain, she ended up taking a wrong turn. She drew no long-term comfort from calling on diabolical powers to damn her sister-in-law. With this curse, she abandoned her true self, those close to her, and her connection to Source. The fisherman couldn’t settle and spent his life alone, troubled by the guilt of failing his family. The reckless man was afraid to commit to his fiancée, and his infidelity cost him dearly. Being trapped in the box after death had a purpose. Nora’s soul carried a subconscious memory of the consequences of being reckless and impulsive, which manifested as physical pain in her back. Now that she knows how she created her back pain, she can use it as a signal to correct her actions, take responsibility in her relationships, and be more aware of the needs of others.

Nora’s lives demonstrate how our decisions have consequences that reverberate in subsequent lifetimes. Trying to avoid pain just takes us deeper into distress. We need to face, acknowledge, and work through our heartache and loss if we don’t want to slide into a path of more misery and turmoil.

Imprints Are Created During Incarnations

Some people wonder why we don’t make changes when we are in between our lives. Behavioral patterns and beliefs formed during our physical lives are imprinted at the earth level of vibration. When we want to change our views, we need to do so consciously in a physical body rather than just doing so energetically. Healing these patterns while we are incarnated imprints the change more robustly because we are connected to both physical and nonphysical worlds. Making positive changes while in the body deeply imprints the soul memory.

Some clients find that their current lives have been created specifically to change patterns that were imprinted during previous lives. Eva is one of these people. 

Eva experienced a life thousands of years ago when a catastrophic explosion occurred, destroying much of the earth and inundating what remained with devastating floods.

I just keep seeing the explosion over and over again. I get the same feeling I get when I visualize the future environment of our current world. This feeling has come from this [past life] explosion. I foresaw this coming, and it was a serious, huge devastation. I tried to warn the hierarchy, but they didn’t listen. It set up a chain reaction on the planet. Some did survive but not many. I didn’t survive.

Spirit guides take Eva through a process that heals her trauma from this past life, which includes beautiful visions and peaceful feelings. She receives the message to focus on her inner serenity and not worry about the bigger picture of the planet.

Before she came for the regression, Eva wanted to know her purpose in this life. She learns that her only purpose for her current life is to heal certain patterns of behavior, which were imprinted during numerous previous lives. In fact, her current life had been created specifically to heal these patterns.

The Benefit of Being Lost

We have seen how becoming lost can impact our future lives in a way that takes us deeper down a path of struggle and suffering. We can also carry over memories that are useful.

Nedina, a public servant, is a self-confident, pleasant lady who lives alone and loves animals. After I have instructed her to go through a tunnel into a past life, she reports what she sees.

It is daytime, and I am outside looking at the front of a house. It is bigger than a cottage and the walls are made of stone, sealed with mortar. It has a grey roof and a path leading to an ordinary timber door. I have no strong feelings about this place. I am an outsider.

I am an older woman with old legs, wearing comfortable black leather shoes and a knee-length skirt. I am eighty-three years old, and it is the early twentieth century.

I am walking along the path to the door, which has blue trimming. I feel I am entitled to open the door. It is cold inside. I see lace curtains, linoleum floors, a heavy round table, and old horsehair couches. There is nothing expensive here. The house is empty. People lived here once, but no one lives here now. There is an old parlor, but it is not inviting.

I ask if she has lived in this house. Her answer is instant and unexpected.

I died in a bed upstairs. Oh! I only just realized. I must be dead. I hadn’t known that before. I died without realizing I was dead. I am downstairs looking up the stairs to the room where my body was. I am detached from any emotions.

She says her name in this life had been Cari and, looking back, describes what Cari was like.

When I was alive, I was a quiet person with no strong emotions and not many friends. It was not an exciting life. I lived within the conventions of the time. I didn’t need to be strongly expressive and I accepted that. Now I realize there was some emptiness in my life. It was the era. I was a spinster living here, as it was the family home. I didn’t change it. It was a bland life.

I am hanging around. I had religious beliefs, but not to any depth. I just accepted things as they were.

I ask her what she is going to do now that she knows she died.

I feel a need to go out onto the road and walk on. I need to let go of the house, to let go of the life. That is a funny experience. It makes me see how much one can attach to walls, beds, stairs, and tables. That was all that I knew.

I am going out the door and closing it, walking down the cement path, out the gate, and heading off down the road. I feel that was the right thing to do. It feels good. Sunlight is coming through the trees. I don’t feel old anymore. There is energy in my step, and I feel younger and happy.

I am walking along pleasantly and enjoying the freedom. I see there is light up ahead, a strong light. I am very drawn to it. Someone is there with light all around them.

I suggest she open herself up so she can connect to this light and receive any forthcoming information.

I am in an expanding aura of light and it feels very warm. I need to stand and let it infuse me so I can go on. It has made me feel free. It is like it has dusted out the corners, cleared out anything unwanted from that life, realigned me, and retuned my vibration so I can now transition.

After walking along another path, she comes to a building made of marble.

There are people in there, older men. I am going in. They are very quiet, sitting around in chairs. They have been waiting for me.

They tell me that past life was about loving others, but Cari was unable to step outside of the social structure. She was restricted. The plan was to have courage and break through.

I chose to stay in that house and restrict my life. It was about feeling safe. There was no depth to relationships or anything. Everything was a bit superficial and I was able to hide behind the social norms. I was afraid.

The church, the fire and brimstone. I believed it. One had to do one’s duty. The church triggered my fear and insecurity, then fed it.

I was a young child, about three, and something scared me. I see a minister from the church. He was very harsh with me. Oh my God! They were my parents. My father was the minister, and he was yelling at me. I lived in that house all my life, and the way I lived my life was related to the way he frightened me at age three. It was an obstacle put in my way, but I didn’t overcome it and I didn’t expand my heart.

I ask if Cari’s life has influenced her current life as Nedina. Nedina was bullied terribly in her current life as a child, but in adulthood would not stand for any bullying at all. Nedina moves her focus to her current life.

That is why I was so determined not to let the bullies keep me down. I have a sense of it now. Even when I was being bullied as a child, I knew I was going to stop that as soon as I could. I had that determination even then.

Nedina continues but describes Cari’s experiences in the third person when I ask if Cari was lost until now.

Yes. Even in life, Cari was not functioning fully, just going through the motions—detached, but not in a good way.

For Cari, being stuck after she died emphasized the hollowness of her life. Now I don’t need it anymore. Going through that purification with the light-being means it is finished.

Isn’t that amazing! That life gave me the understanding that if you let fear govern you, there is emptiness, narrowness, and no expansion. A hollow life. That understanding evolved from that past life. It was just there. After eighty years of that, I knew how empty your life would be if you did not address it. Cari’s life was meant to be. Such a dull life but such a useful life. It wasn’t a waste.

In my current life, when a bully has tried to manipulate me, I will not buy into it. Others do, but not me. I attack bullies full on. As I have matured, I can look at a bully and see that they came from a place of imbalance.

Nedina’s case demonstrates how being lost can accelerate our growth. Cari was lost during her life and after her death, feeling that her father’s bullying had driven her to live a small, confined life. This feeling was made available to Nedina in her current life, and she used it to develop an inner strength, refusing to put up with bullies.

Conclusion

Being lost can take us deeper into strife and suffering. But if we stay connected, we can decide to utilize a troubled past life to make us stronger.

We start our lives as innocent babies, but we do not stay that way. In our current lives, we face challenges that surface subconscious memories of the past. Because we carry the energy of lost spirits, our reaction to some situations can be much more intense than is normally warranted. Our most vigorous and extreme reactions are worth noting. Some trauma from the past may have been triggered, manifesting in our current life. When a human spirit doesn’t go home after death, the energy of that life remains unresolved and still accessible.

The emotional trauma we carry into subsequent lives demands our attention. This is why many of my clients remember lives in which they died suddenly—because such lives have so much to teach us. If we refuse to listen when past life traumas flare up in our current life, we condemn ourselves to keep playing out our adopted patterns of behavior until we finally wake up.

In the next three chapters, we explore the journeys of four souls who did decide to step bravely into their dark night of the soul.